Thursday, December 30, 2010

Shamans of 2011

As 2010 winds to a close, questions abound as to what to expect in 2011. Will the economy rebound or regress? What new toys will technology produce? How will the senseless push-me/pull-you of the political arena grandstand, etc.? All of these considerations presume that people will stay the same as they were – another year older but otherwise unchanged.

The ego dominated mentality that imagines Democrats have a better plan than Republicans (or vice-versa), that believes technology can fix the planetary crises caused by technology, that gets excited over making money in the stock market when people everywhere are suffering hunger, murder, destitution, persecution and injustice at the hands of other humans – this mentality expects to continue just as it was into the New Year.

And for many it will. There is a lot of inertia behind the image humanity has created of itself for itself, both individually and collectively. People who have invested energy into believing the truth is “X” are not likely to suddenly decide it is “Y.” Since belief presupposes a state of unknowing, they have only dogmatized ideas about what truth might be, and identify with these fiercely. To lose such ideas is equivalent to losing themselves as egos.

But 2011, it appears, is introducing a new dynamic into the human process: choice. It seems the Awakening has progressed far enough that (for some) the ego’s dominance is beginning to slip and become dislodged. When that happens, the ego can be perceived not as THE Self, but rather as a tool of the Self – a tool that can be set aside.

With this realization there arises the possibility of choosing a perspective that is not egocentric and mental, but rather heart-based. In times past such a choice might have seemed spiritually motivated, the “enlightened” path of bliss and feeling good. But in the days to come practical considerations will take increasing precedence, as enlightenment becomes a matter not of preference but of survival in the New Age, or New Jerusalem.

Like those prehistoric fish that grew lungs and stubby feet in order to emerge on dry land from evaporating Paleolithic lakes, people who learn to live from the heart will be able to successfully breathe and navigate in a world in which the ego-mentality is collapsing catastrophically upon itself and radiating toxic destruction all around.

2011 carries within itself the numbers 0, 1, 2, 3 and 4, representing the complete manifestation of spiritual activation into the physical realm. Even now, a balance point is detectable that heralds the actuality of choice on a widespread scale. As that choice is made, many will find that they can discern between the ego as a tool, and the Self using that tool - and they will elect to live in the Deep.

Functioning from the heart-Self, a new field of vision opens to which the ego is completely blind and oblivious. This is the world as seen from a shamanic point of view, in which the immensity of life is felt and one’s connection and place in the greater consciousness perceived more clearly.

The heart is fearless and wise. It looks without flinching and understands deeply. It feels the wounds of our planet and her people, and longs to heal them.

This is the wondrous path into which 2011 is calling those prepared to choose the heart:

To stop living for the blind personal interests of the ego,
and live instead for the All.

To heal Mother Earth and transform this planet
into the Paradise it was meant to be.

To step into their true Selves as shamanic servants.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

The Christmas Present

While I slept a gift was given – an unusual necklace was slipped around my neck.

The necklace was not elegant like fashion jewelry, but simple and primitive. It consisted of perhaps eight green roughhewn beads strung on a vine-like cord. Dangling from the center of the cord, spaced between the beads, was a large brown seed that looked something like a peach pit.

I felt the necklace more than saw it, for it hung directly over my heart chakra and radiated its fierce energy within. A voice whispered that the seed had come from the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil in the original Garden of Eden.

With this necklace around my neck, the hard situations and conflicted relationships of my life were presented one by one for consideration. And the perturbations of these, the disturbances that had always before seemed so impossible of resolution, dissipated like clouds into nothingness.

In their place, a sense of trust in ultimate goodness unfolded, a confidence that all was well and could only ever be so.

The necklace revealed what had been hidden from my man’s mind, allowing the feeling heart to perceive those deeper patterns and connections by which life is sustained and nourished.

With it on, I felt my path had become illumined and my next step sure. I felt relieved of concern about outcomes and expectations.

I felt alert, attentive, open, loving and present.

Ultimately the present . . . was the Present.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas Compassion

~ A Christmas Eve Dream ~

A terrorist had snuck into the USA and killed people. She was caught and put on public display in the marketplace. Passers-by would hurl both sharp words and sharp objects at her, expressing complete contempt. It seemed certain she would soon be destroyed by their intense hatred.

Yet even while this was happening another spirit began to arise - compassion for the terrorist. Compassion not only in spite of the evil she had done, but actually because of it. Conscience awakened in some who had suffered from the terrorism, and they perceived the part they had played in allowing evil to stalk not only their streets, but their own hearts as well.

They saw that active compassion was not only the "right" course of action moralistically and spiritually, but the rational response as well - the only possible way to end the ancient cycle of evil begetting more evil.

Such compassion was no mere insipid sentimentality, but an incredibly potent power that penetrated those who embraced it, kindling a fiery furnace of force. It decimated the darkness of self-protective fear and destroyed the weakness of self-indulgent vindictiveness.

Those who felt this compassion grew from few to many, encircling the globe with the ferocity of their determination to herald a New World premised on authenticity of heart and integrity of mind.

Then the image of the Savior appeared to their humbled gaze, He who in ultimate compassion was born into this world and died to bring about its complete transformation and renewal.

And they understood that the vision of compassion was given from above to be implemented here below, and that they were not alone in the daunting task of rising above human ignorance and darkness.

The Lord walks with them, and Victory is at hand.

Glory be to God for the birth of the Way, the Truth and the Light!

Friday, December 3, 2010

The Key

“The me” is a flavor of being - a particular flavor out of all possible flavors in the vast universe.

Sometimes this flavor seems diluted, for instance when one sees himself as a harried victim of unpleasant vagaries. On the other hand sometimes it is concentrated and pungent, as when one stands in his power.

Then “the me” is perceived as passing through life’s stages intact and inviolable, deepening awareness without altering identity.

Being “the me” is not easy, since it requires a moment by moment sensitivity to the difficulties of incarnation. We experience ourselves as distinct entities separated from one another and from God, subject to birth, aging, and death, faced with necessity and sorrow, craving love yet knowing neither how to give or receive it.

To keep such existential discomfort in plain view is the opposite of what most people want. Yet this is what becoming “the me” requires. One must set his hand in the fire (so to speak) and leave it there, allowing the flames to burn without withdrawing into numbness and dumbness.

One must also renounce junk thoughts with the same relish as junk food, refusing to acknowledge any mental excursion offering a distracting reprieve from the awareness that one’s hand is in the fire.

With the energy gained from this arduous discipline, “the me” carves a tunnel through its inner psychic landscape, a tunnel which connects distant childhood to the present moment. By this means it gathers its various fragmented selves and unifies them into one coherent persona, ending the ancient inner conflict and crisis of identity.

Having thus consolidated its power, “the me” surveys this precious lifespan - its destiny to fulfill - and does so with high purpose and determination. It recognizes the world no longer as an adversary, but rather a colleague in its quest for wholeness. It sees itself as part of a milieu in which every circumstance serves its wondrous goal, functioning to provide whatsoever destiny may require.

Former threats dissolve and are replaced by guides, oracles pointing toward a door which had never before been visible. The door cannot be forced – no effort of will prevails against it. Yet it opens freely of its own accord when presented with the right key. And once opened, never closes again.

Thus “the me” pursues its silent and solitary purpose, widening the inner tunnel, consolidating all personal selves and intensifying its unique flavor of being.

In so doing it grows both more distant from the world, yet (ironically) more present within it.

Until at last it has become the very key

Able to unlock the brazen door

Of its own freedom . . .

Monday, November 29, 2010

The Midwife

Fear disintegrates on the periphery of the radiance of the Being God brought into existence, who is now being born into this world.

The ego stands as midwife, a guardian who has done its duty in protecting the infant until now, like St. Joseph who took in the Virgin Mary, trusting that the angel had spoken truth and that her Baby was the Holy Savior.

Now Joseph witnesses the emergence of the young King, and bows in gratitude as his long labor reaches its honorable conclusion. Joseph has done what he could with limited abilities and now carefully surrenders the protectorate. At last he may worship as others do, withdrawing into the subservient role of the Holy One's esteemed patron, counselor on some matters and obedient subject on all others.

Praise God, the Child lives! He arises into the Light, for he IS the Light.

The sun is in His wings,

Beauty is on His brow,

Salvation in His touch.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

The Cold

I sat in a Starbucks quaffing an eggnog latte. The warm milk felt good to my throat, which had been hoarse and sore for several days.

“You need to be clear about why this is happening,” a soft voice said in my ear. The absence of a visible speaker did not in the least surprise me. I understood that my psyche was talking to itself.

“I am clear about it,” I replied. “I have a cold. Quite common in November.”

“No you don’t,” the voice said. “It only seems like you do.”

“All the symptoms are present,” I noted. “Sneezing, coughing, aching limbs. Germs cause it.” I sipped the latte again and braced for a painful swallowing sensation.

“Germs are a consequence, not a cause.”

I was becoming a bit exasperated at this invisible haranguing. Besides, I had felt bad for weeks and was tired of blowing my nose.

“OK, wise guy,” I said. “What is happening then? Tell me how to get rid of my congestion.”

“The congestion in your chest is no worse than the congestion in your soul,” said the voice. “Matter of fact, one is a reflection of the other. The ‘cold’ is to help release that. All you have to do is stop resisting it and let it work.”

“Right,” I muttered, opening an aspirin bottle.

“Put that away!” the voice commanded. “Accept the healing that is trying to happen! Stop trying to make yourself feel better artificially - you’ll feel better when those impacted emotional nodules inside get dislodged.”

I closed the bottle grimly. “You want me to hurt, is that it? What are you, a sadist?”

“You’ve already BEEN hurting for as long as you can remember. Do you want to keep on hurting for the rest of your life as well? Do you want to be like the Titanic, voyaging through a dark existence until some unprecedented crisis finally sinks it? Take a look inside. What do you see?”

Reluctantly, I felt to where the sickness had been working within. In my mind’s eye I could see dark gelatinous globules shimmering in some kind of congealed intensity. They looked like concentrated, ultimate YUK, the kind of thing you would walk a mile to avoid . . .  and there they were inside me!

I shook my head at the disgusting plight. “OK, OK,” I said in resignation, “now what?”

“You need to get to work,” the voice said, a bit more reassuringly. “Those emotional nodules are buried deep because in the past you believed them to be true - that they were valid assessments of you as a person. This belief makes them unbearably painful, so they get pushed out of sight. You still feel them, just not consciously. They still hurt, but you don’t know where the pain is coming from. Healing requires that they be released, and the feelings trapped inside them exposed. Now that you are older, you can re-experience them with a greater maturity and see that they are NOT true. They do not describe the person you really are. This is an uncomfortable process, as most honest healing work is. But in the end you will gain not only your health, but your freedom.”

My fingers reached for a cough drop, but I stopped them. The voice was right - more was going on here than met the eye. I realized that the energies of love and will, represented by the heart and throat, had been in abeyance since I was a child. Those energies were struggling to come to life again, and to do so they had to negotiate through a system obstructed by impacted emotional nodules.

"Impacted emotional nodules," I thought.  "Who comes up with such terms?"

I sighed, pitched the aspirin and the cough drops, and sipped the latte manfully.

The discomfort of a cold was a small price to pay, I reflected,

Especially if it might really lead to health

And freedom.

Saturday, November 13, 2010


“There is none good but one, that is God” (Mark 10:18).

Only God is good, and therefore completely trustworthy, as Jesus says. And yet, we seek ways to trust our fellow human sojourners on this earth.

Life is uncertain, so who can claim such a grip on principle or intent as to never vary from a prescribed course?

Or, if someone could do so, would this really be beneficial and healthy? Do we truly understand the needs of the soul well enough to dictate from a legalistic point of view which experiences should be permitted and which ones denied?

No living thing is wholly predictable – variations in form and behavior are intrinsic to being. Who can know for certain how anyone will react to every possible situation or stimulus? We may conceptually decide what will constitute the “best” or most acceptable response, but this formulation is based on conscious deliberation.

Our unconscious will also have a voice and vote in the matter, and it is quite capable of bringing elements into our experience that were totally unexpected, unpremeditated, and in fact beyond anything we could have anticipated or deemed remotely possible.

Mistrust is based on a failure to appreciate another person’s psychic process, which is a combination of conscious and unconscious contents and their out-workings. It is a misapprehension of the vast range that this dynamic must traverse over a lifespan in order to fulfill its purpose, which is to totally comprehend itself and then transform into what is beyond that.

The person who always stays on a flat trajectory, on an apparently stable and unyielding emotional/mental plane, is a person who never grows and matures beyond spiritual adolescence.

Trust of others is ultimately a choice we make within, in which the object of such trust is somewhat irrelevant. Evaluations from the mind magnify ambiguity and produce problematic conclusions. Heart-based evaluations however, illuminate the character of that which is under consideration and enable judgments based not on subjective historical data but energetic traits.

If from the heart we say “I trust you,” it should not mean we expect to never be disappointed, frustrated or upset by someone. It should mean that we embrace that person’s process with all its inherent uncertainty and unpredictability, and that we are prepared to willingly suffer their pain as our own when shadows loom, as they invariably will.

A compassionate soul feels that those who have hurt us, betrayed us, abandoned us, and broken our hearts were only piecing together a necessary and unavoidable destiny – for themselves and us as well.

Rather than trusting them less, we could decide to trust them more - since suffering with them and through them enables us to see more clearly the height and depth of their difficult path – and our own.

From a point of greater soul maturity we may perceive more clearly what lessons have been on our plates,

And what extremities we all must undergo on our vast trek

. . . to the stars.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Growing Up

The psychic body shivers, sensing what it is being called to: the awakening of the heart, opening like a sprouted seed into the brilliant light of reality.

This seed has been nurtured in Mother's embrace, focused on becoming.  Now it breaks through the surface, transitioning from the realm of earth and water to that of of fire and air.  No longer is it merely a potential, but suddenly an actuality.  The pattern of its inner design comes into visible manifestation. 

With this change in state comes a change in function. The heart must relate to what is beyond itself, yet not for itself.  It opens compassionately to others, while also experiencing more clearly than ever the solitary nature of Being.

Approaching Love eternal, the heart is called to release those personal loves which have been its preoccupation in times past.

Immense gain and immeasurable loss are tasted together in one blissfully bitter swallow. An excruciating joy mixes with an equally excruciating sorrow as the truth of Love comes into view, a love that cannot be possessed as “mine.”

One's life story, with all its emotional investments and implications, becomes dislodged from the arena of false importance, like a rope ladder falling away from the Mother Ship as it nudges out of orbit around this paltry earth.

The awakening heart begins to perceive itself as but a part, a fraction, a cell within a much greater enterprise whose self-identity is likewise surrendered to an even greater whole, and it understands that none of these cells ever had any more exalted function than to serve.

We are departing from the childhood of self-absorption, of belief in a life centered around ego-goals and private aspirations.

We are growing up . . . at last.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

The New Jerusalem

It is a matter of survival in the New Jerusalem to live by the heart. There are no other lights but love lights, of which the mind of man knows nothing. This is why heaven seems invisible from earth: only the eye of the heart can see it.

Only this eye can discern the times and the seasons, and navigate the rough waters of this world’s collapsing Old Order.

The eye of the heart sees deeply and understands. It fathoms the craving for radical intimacy in human connections, and comprehends the immutable necessity underlying the multiplexed stories of an eternity of broken souls.

And yet we run from the brutal challenge of this truth, to comfortable lies told by unconscious folk who are just biding their time. We claim to want love, but seek where it is convenient and no hurt is permitted to disturb our slumber.

The heart does not live in this sterile place. It does not flee from life's persistent pain because it looks beyond this moment’s Cross to God’s final Resurrection.

We ask for a guidance that evades us, for the mind of man never knows what to believe. But the heart grasps an answer before its question is uttered. It senses life’s continuum, the movement of beginnings into endings into beginnings.

The heart is not dismayed at the ceaseless cycle of death and rebirth, of integration and disintegration.

For it seeks above all the loving Presence of a divine Superior, valuing His will more than its own apparent freedom.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Seventh Day of the Galactic Underworld

Below is Carl Johan Calleman's article about the beginning of the Seventh Day of the Galactic Underworld, November 3-7, 2010

Humanity’s climb of the cosmic pyramid continues. The actual Ninth wave will not begin until March 9, 2011 although we are already beginning to feel its approach. Before the final climb to the ninth wave and the ninth level of consciousness can begin we will however need to complete the foundation of the eighth level so that we have something to stand on. The eighth level of consciousness of the cosmic pyramid is what has been carried by the wave movement of the Galactic Underworld that began January 5th 1999 and, as all we nine waves will be completed on October 28, 2011.

As the thirteenth energy, or seventh day, of the Galactic Underworld starts on November 3, 2010 we may say that the particular Yin/Yang-polarity that this has been projecting onto the Earth is locked into position and will not be replaced by any further night in this Underworld.

I feel it is important to realize that the field of consciousness that each of the waves brings is different and that so they have a distinct influence on the human mind and to get an idea of this we may look at figure 1. In this figure we may see that while the ninth wave, starting March 9, 2011, serves to create unity consciousness (absence of darkening filters) the eighth wave endows the human beings with a filter that favors the right brain half. Hence the nature of the consciousness that the eighth and the ninth waves will be bringing is different and the ceremonies and spiritual processes that we may participate in in order to align with these polarities are different.

Just looked upon at face value it would then seem as what we are to align with and celebrate on the weekend of November 6-7 (which follows upon the shift) is a world where the feminine, the intuitive mind and the eastern hemisphere comes to dominate since they would all be linked to this enlightenment of the right brain half. Yet, as we can see from the figure this is not exactly the case since the world was for about 5100 years dominated by the consciousness of the sixth wave where the light fell on the left brain half and so as a result favored the rational mind, male dominance and the West and this is sort part of the platform that we are all already standing on. Hence as the seventh day of the galactic Underworld is activated we will actually finally come to a point when it is time to celebrate the end to male, western and rational dominance and we will be able to create a balance between the different aspects of the human mind associated with the left and right brain halves.

It would thus seem that the weekend of November 6-7 2010 would be a perfect time to perform ceremonies to recreate, celebrate and align with this new balance which is established on a cosmic scale and waiting for us to download it.

As it turns out during this weekend Don Alejandro and the Buddhist spiritual leader
Reverend Seiyu Kiriyama will be performing a Buddhist-Mayan fire ceremony, which we may all look upon as a balancing of the energies of the West and the East: (See
I feel however that these energies will also be an excellent opportunity for anyone who wants to be a co-creator with the divine process of creation to bring this balancing to have an immediate meaning in our individual lives by performing ceremonies around the theme of the return of the feminine and intuitive in all of us in such a way that both human expression is seen as having equal value and an equal place in the human civilization.

For the beginning of the Seventh day of the Galactic Underworld and its following weekend, November 6-7 I would thus like to encourage every human being to take part in some balancing process to celebrate the return of the divine feminine into their lives. I encourage everyone to be creative in developing ceremonies and processes to co-create the manifestation of this shift in the most constructive and positive way.

This does not preclude that to attain such a balance within ourselves and between the genders externally we will need to do some serious spiritual inner work, and forgiveness processes in order to leave the past dominance paradigm behind. In order to support you in this a facebook page ( and a rudimentary website have been created. Increasingly we will now find that we will all need to co-create the upcoming shifts and that they will not happen automatically. Increasingly also I believe that we will be required to take the transformative processes and ceremonies home and not just look for it to happen in the external world. I call all co-creators of the cosmic plan to participate in the creation of a balanced fundament to stand on November 6-7. It is from this fundament that we will soon begin our process into the unity consciousness that will be carried by the ninth wave that will be activated on March 9, 2011.

Carl Johan Calleman
Seattle 11 Imix, October 14, 2010

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Ego Comfort

It is not at all comfortable to be an ego, and so elaborate mechanisms are created to mitigate the irritation of existing. The ego is highly motivated to seek comfort, and proficient at using mental processes to achieve this.

By withdrawing perspective into “the head,” the emotional and physical traumas lodged in the body and psyche can be tuned out to a large degree. What is too painful to simply ignore may be desensitized through suppression and sedation.

It is contrary to the deepest orientation of the Self to be protective, enclosed within a shell of secreted boundaries. Yet the immature heart needs a defense against the encroachments of the world as it learns to navigate this chaotic realm.

As a result the ego is called upon to buffer, like a shock-absorber, the disturbances of daily life. But typically the "servant" usurps its master’s throne, and the tool assumes itself to be the carpenter. Before long, the only conscious reality is that which the ego posits, and this is imperfect at best.

The ego is incapable of being farsighted and wise, and may court the very disaster it should avoid. It lacks insight into its own nature, and cannot voluntarily release control of the life it is supposed to guard.

Therefore the Self must emerge, radiating Presence through the heart, and assume its rightful place. The ego detects this unfolding, and gradually begins to release its death grip on the individual’s life process.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Ego Waffles

Corporations and governments are amplifications on the collective scale of the ego’s relentless drive for anything that will bolster its sense of power and security. In the business world, everything is based on the “bottom line,” namely profit, and that which will enhance profit, namely growth.

This model is not about getting what is needed, but about getting more than what is needed. It is based on competition and success at the cost of failure for any competing entity.

The question might be asked, but isn’t this how nature operates? Animals kill one another (or plants) to survive.

Yes, but they only kill what is needed for that moment. They do not take more than they can eat. They do not acquire at the expense of other creatures, nor deny fellow animals the right to also feed.

The ego is clever, but not wise. It always posits its own well-being as the “greater good” and has no comprehension of itself as a part of some larger and more compelling entity.

Therefore the world is inundated by egoic “pretenders to the throne,” would-be kings who would gladly enforce their own particular reign of personal preference, which of course creates conflict with others.

The last 3500 or so years of mankind’s existence, the “historical” epoch, might accurately be called the time of the ego, for record-keeping as such is an egoic activity and not necessary within a whole organism where full communication between all parts is operative.

This last point may shed some light on why the Mayan calendar ends in 2011/2012.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

The Orbs

I camped out at ECETI over the weekend.

ECETI (Enlightened Contact with Extraterrestrial Intelligence) sits at the foot of Mt. Adams in Washington State, and tries to act like a farm. The peaceful, bucolic setting of James Gilliland's homestead belies the extraordinary things that have been under observation there, however. Yaks and llamas wander about during the day and coyotes howl through the night, but the real excitement is airborne.

The first-time visitor finds it somewhat amusing to see an echinacea field full of lawn-chairs all aimed at Mt. Adam's daunting bulk, as though the mountain was to be the screen of an immense outdoor movie. But this seeming oddity is actuality. When the sun goes down, all the guests find seats and settle in for the show - which is not long in coming.

Soon mysterious lights begin to play and flicker upon the mountain's flanks, far up beyond the treeline where glaciers cling and no climber should be. The sky becomes crisscrossed with glowing objects that don't behave like airplanes. Amazing as such sights are, they leave the viewer with a vague sense of dissatisfaction with lights flying so far away as to be unidentifiable (which of course, is why they are called UFO's).

There is another class of objects at ECETI (and other places as well) however, that are near at hand and therefore more easily observed - the Orbs.   Orbs seem a bit like cosmic jellyfish, floating into view on some unseen current then floating out again.  Sometimes the camera sees no orbs at all, a minute later - at the very same spot - they fill the screen.

Orbs show no reluctance to intermingle with humans and are very likely "closer than hands and feet" a lot more often than we realize.  I had seen many photos of them appearing at public events above or around people.

Still, it wasn't until I put on ECETI's 3rd generation night vision goggles that the impact of these colorful apparitions really hit home.  With the infrared night vision it was possible to see, in real time, the spherical objects suddenly "materialize" into view, float about as though on some specific mission, then fade out again.

So what are the orbs?  That IS the question!

What is known so far is that their visibility is in the infrared light range.  Studies have shown them to respond to intent and curiosity, and to display intelligence.

Perhaps they represent a deepening attempt at communication beyond the boundaries of what most modern people have considered "normal."  

Perhaps the fact that they are now being seen around the world in increasing numbers indicates a "quickening" of the planetary psyche in preparation for something extraordinary.

Perhaps they herald the possibility of a whole new realm of understanding and wisdom.

My guess is that we will know the answer before long . . .

Monday, September 20, 2010

Final Victory

Oh, how sorry you will be, when you awaken, at the long eons which passed in hapless ignorance, when you saw only your own shadow at your feet! What pain you will feel, what anguish your heart will suffer, for those lost moments in which you might have better performed your part in bearing the Lord’s burden.

In that day you will sense His compassion radiating through eternity and be glad. You will not wish that more of it had streamed toward you, but rather that less had been needed on your account, and thereby given to others.

The joy of a servant finally able to serve will be yours, the devotion of one whose satisfaction is in full surrender to the loving Christ. No distracting talk of “sins” will enter your heart, for what fool would be concerned with such when at last able to kneel in the very Lord’s presence? All false sense of self will have disintegrated into the dust of forgetfulness, into the oblivion of imperfect dreams which are never to be recalled again.

You will know yourself as that pure breath which God first breathed into Adam’s nostrils, yet now healed of Adam’s na├»ve ignorance and made whole through suffering the completion of his curse. Good and evil will have found their expression in you, in the flesh of your body and soul, and become joined at last, fused and integrated until distinct as separate entities no more.

And you will understand that thus are Satan and his minions “defeated” by being united with what they had most opposed - transformed thereby into a New Creature.

In the bearing of your Cross you will have accomplished the impossible, the unthinkable, and yet . . . the unavoidable.

For this has always been your only task, the whole reason for your existence. No one else could carry your Cross, for it was tailored exactly to your strength and need. And had you shirked that Cross it should have remained for the Great One to bear alone.

But you will have found heart at last and said “yes” to the Beloved. Yes to His burden, unfathomably immense – though at once light. Yes to his yoke, by which the very worlds were constellated – though at once easy.

You will have said yes to His life, and thus found your own.

You will have said yes to His death, and - like Him - discovered therein the final victory.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

The Blind Man

The sun and moon arose, yet these were the lesser lights. The light of my very life, to which I had made deference all my days, was itself no more than a captive light, bound to a darkness hitherto unperceived.

Awakening began, but to the awareness of blindness.

I discovered I had never yet seen the true Light, and my every step had proceeded from, and proceeded toward, doubt and confusion.

And I understood that, bound within the dark spell of self, I had never yet even prayed - except to that lost persona who had no power to deliver.

Then my heart cried out, "Lord save me!"

For I was without sight or wisdom, wandering in the land of the dead.

Toward the chasm beyond which heaven gleamed I raised the voice of my aching desire, for the faint twinkling of its stars offered the only hope.

"Lord, remember me!" said the voice of my tears.

"Deliver me from this place in which the name of God is utterly unknown."

Then came the hand of the Almighty near, and with a touch taught that the thing which one has been in unknowing, must he become in knowing.

For only those blind who comprehend their blindness desire the light.

And only those lost who comprehend their lostness desire to be found.

This then, is the mystery of Salvation.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Love is Freedom

The Anima left me a note which said, “I am nothing.” It was written in bold with a black felt tipped marker on page one of my life instructions.

Her enigmatic words moved me, especially being scrawled on such a personal document. They seemed to indicate affection, and an attempt to clarify our profound relationship. For my life instructions clearly stated she and I were to serve each other in every possible way, even down to cleaning one another’s shoes.

I wondered how to fulfill this task properly. For instance, if I cleaned her shoes with excruciating attention to detail, wouldn’t that effort reflect egotistical pride in doing a job well? Wouldn’t it also indicate emotional attachment to this figure of incandescent femininity that appeared in a thousand different guises and garbs?

It haunted me, this declaration of her insubstantiality. How could someone be “nothing” who had seemed both consolingly present and frustratingly absent always? For whose reflection I had searched every woman’s face and voice throughout the years?

But after awhile I began to perceive how much love was shown in that simple statement. For most people consider themselves important and want their due in some form or another. And relationships are underpinned by a sense of negotiation and compromise, which is another way of saying bondage.

Yet, love is freedom.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


Self judgement shows we have not come to know ourselves truly. The mind sees the incomplete caracature, the imperfect reflection, and reviles it.

"I am not worthy," it proclaims, yet by this very act places itself above God, assuming the right to judge a soul's worth (if only its own) in the eyes of the Creator.

The egoic mind is conceited and arrogant by nature. This is not a condemnation, but an observable fact.

Yet the heart, opening to its fathomless pain, faced with the excruciating awareness of its own conflicted inner currents, encounters the realm of humility.  By stages it is transformed into a spiritually porous and malleable substance, as the scriptures say:

"I will take away the stony heart, and give them a heart of flesh" (Ez. 36:26).

This is an alchemical process in which Death and Life become indistinguishable. The deepest layers of the psyche are summoned into that transitional realm in which the conscious and the unconscious blend, where the individual and the universal comingle, and the inner and outer person unite as a single whole. 

This, no doubt, is integration.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Prayer of the Heart

Prayer begins in the heart, in its opening toward the inner light as would a flower, in wordlessly seeking the warmth of eternal life.

The mind's duty is to attend to the heart in its prayer, to watch over it like a loving mother does a dear child, and to give it full and undivided attention.

The heart, in its pristine state, is already worshiping God. This is its native orientation in which it needs no guidance, even as a plant's roots seek water without instruction.

The "fallen" man, he of the heartless broken mind, seems to require constant guidance - yet is scarcely benefited thereby. It is a fool's task to seek God where He cannot be found - or more precisely, to seek Him in ways by which He cannot be apprehended (for of course God is everywhere).

The heart realizes it has found that Greater Good when the Divine infiltrates all its darkest shadows and most painful wounds. And it realizes it is not alone even in the most poignant suffering - or perhaps especially in the most poignant suffering.

And it seems to the heart that God's wordless voice is saying,

"When all your striving to acquire Me has been abandoned as ineffectual, then - in your acceptance of poverty - you will discover . . .

. . . we have never been apart."

Sunday, August 22, 2010

The Long Climb

We are tired of dead compromises. We ache, in our souls, to close the doors on a story in which there are no winners or victors, only survivors somewhat akin to zombies, creatures so deformed by contact with their darkened surroundings that they have lost all sense of their humanity.

We long to discover the mother-lode of wealth - riches that, though within, remain inaccessible. We yearn to enter the secret trove of treasures which is our natural inheritance and distribute these freely to an impoverished brotherhood of suffering souls.

What a tiring and lonely journey it has been, past wintered scenes of desolation and despair, a seemingly endless trek through shadows immense and threatening. And yet we have trudged on, bolstered by a slender hope enfolded in the heart's recesses.

Until at last, some faint light glimmers, as though through a tear in the very fabric of existence.  Like a stirring breath of spring, a subtle fragrance in the air, it pulls us forward, toward an event horizon where all things change from what they were not into what they are.

Love, Truth, Freedom

A new energy enters our step as we urge our weary selves onward - hoping, hoping, hoping . . .

To enter the real world at last.

Friday, June 25, 2010


“The main interest of my work is not concerned with the treatment of neuroses but rather with the approach to the numinous. But the fact that the approach to the numinous is the real therapy, and inasmuch as you attain to the numinous experience you are released from the curse of pathology. Even the very disease takes on a numinous character.” C. G. Jung

Thursday, June 24, 2010

God and Me

A wondrous poem from the writings of the German mystic Angelis Silesius (1624-77).

I know that without me God can no moment live;
Were I to die, then He no longer could survive.

God cannot without me a single worm create;
Did I not share with Him, destruction were its fate.

I am as great as God, and He is small like me;
He cannot be above, nor I below Him be.

In me is God a fire and I in Him its glow;
In common is our life, apart we cannot grow.

God loves me more than Self, my love doth give His weight,
Whate'er He gives to me I must reciprocate.

He's God and man to me, to Him I'm both indeed;
His thirst I satisfy, he helps me in my need.

This God, who feels for us, is to us what we will;
And woe to us, if we our part do not fulfill.

God is whate'er He is, I am what I must be;
If you know one, in sooth, you know both him and me.

I am not outside God, nor leave I Him afar;
I am His grace and light, and He my guiding star.

I am the vine which He doth plant and cherish most;
The fruit which grows from me is God, the Holy Ghost.

Sunday, June 20, 2010


Presence is all-powerful.

This was the message.

Presence is where we meet God.

The point of integration between conscious and unconscious,
The perfect blending of polarities,
The balancing of opposites.


Friday, June 18, 2010

Aliens Among Us

I attended the June Evolver Spore of Reality Sandwich, with the subject “Aliens Among Us.” The discussion was lively and spirited, as nearly everyone has strong feelings about this subject.

Close encounters of the First Kind (CE1K) were defined as sightings of a UFO. CE2K constitute physical evidence, and CE3K result in actual contact with extra-terrestrials.

The Evolver Spore moderator posed the interesting question: How should we react if a CE3K indisputably occurs on a global level? One opinion was that such a development would be frightening. This fear point is based on the assumption that any alien contact would be motivated by the intent of subjugating humanity.

H. G. Wells set the tone for such a pessimistic view with his “War of the Worlds.” The planetary battle theme has been repeated in countless science fiction books and films, including the recent blockbuster, “Independence Day.”

We who live on earth identify ourselves as “earthlings.” Originating from earth also necessitates originating from this particular solar system (which, inconveniently, has no name). It is a reasonable assumption that any extra-terrestrials who introduce themselves will NOT be from our own solar system.

Humans experience in their personal lives the planetary conditioning of the solar system. This is an essential principle of astrology, in which the placement of the planets at birth (and thereafter) synchronistically reflects the energetic influences which are also manifesting in the material realm.

According to this perspective, the “inner,” close planets have the most pronounced and immediate effects upon human behavior. One of the most dramatic of those inner planets is Mars, associated with the “god of war,” whose characteristics are violence, passion, aggression and hostility.

Battle and conflict are thus ingrained features of the human psyche because of Mars in this solar system. Yet, such an aggressive and warlike stance is not necessarily consistent with any alien intelligence that may contact us, which would NOT have been subjected to a Martian influence.

In fact, this assumption is a projection of our own violent dispositions. We are a species with a long history of exterminating its own kind for completely selfish and self-righteous reasons. The image of a technically and militarily stronger (though spiritually impoverished) civilization conquering supposedly inferior ones is a pattern that has resulted in the decimation of many indigenous cultures throughout the world.

This archetypal horror and its resulting guilt rankles the conscience of those who have had nothing personally to do with such atrocities, but are nevertheless the descendents of those who did. From this point of view we are the children of monsters, devils incarnate who have devastated the earth for gain and glory, who have destroyed knowledge and wisdom for the sake of perpetuating their ignorance and prejudice.

We assume - perhaps unconsciously, probably inaccurately - that any other civilization must be as inherently cruel and despicable as us.

Hopefully this is not so. But if it were to be, any resulting conquest by aliens would perhaps be

. . . well deserved.

Reference Reality Sandwich Evolver Spores:

Monday, June 14, 2010


Fredrick Nietzsche was acutely aware of the existential problem of man – that he is "Apollonian," an egotistical entity divorced from his feeling nature, capable of inflicting death upon his world because he cannot find real life in himself.

Nietzsche’s answer to this was to invoke Dionysus, the ancient god of drunkenness and debauch. He felt society should abandon itself to primitive, instinctual urges in order to regain that lost sense of vitality.

Nietzsche’s reference to Apollo and Dionysus may seem quaint and irrelevant to a modern mentality that dismisses "gods." But C. G. Jung elucidates these same concepts using the terms consciousness and the unconscious.

Contemporary consciousness has been dominated by a sterile, self-serving rationality producing war, disease and all social and personal ills. The antidote, according to many, is wholehearted obedience to whatever makes them feel most alive - no matter how such behaviors may seem to conflict with existing moral or societal strictures.

The unconscious offers an endless variety of insights and impressions, but these are like clouds that materialize in the morning and quickly fade away. A person perceiving them feels wise, but such wisdom is ephemeral and transient unless integrated with conscious awareness.

"Dionysus," is (so to speak) lord the unconscious, though he doesn't require declarations of faith from his subjects. Loyalty and allegiance are permutations of consciousness, whereas the followers of Dionysus are not even aware of being possessed by him. They live "high" without knowing what is truly happening, or of comprehending that their experience - which seems so full - is only partial.

This is unavoidable since the unconscious does not represent the totality of existence. Dionysians seek ultimate fulfillment, yet lose their energies in an exhaustive attempt to find satiety. They are frustrated because it is impossible to debauch to complete satisfaction. However immense the orgasm, whether sexual, political, relational or otherwise, it has one fatal flaw: it ends!

The pleasure of surrender to sensation, though intense, is fleeting. Such experiences are NOT heaven on earth – in fact they might be construed as a definition of hell: Wonderful feelings that don’t last.

Dionysus knows no law, and exerts no limits upon his followers. The native unconscious is immensely powerful in both creativity and destructiveness, but cannot tell the difference between them. Bestiality is the inevitable result, thus Dionysus transforms into a bull at the height of his powers.

It is only the consciousness that can distinguish between health and disease, and determine how the energy of the unconscious can best be utilized. Only consciousness can apply morality, law, and judgment to the questions of life, and discern between right and wrong.

Yet the conscious without the unconscious is, as Nietzsche observed, prone to its own extremes of behavior, to inhumane acts of self interest at the expense of others.

The ultimate solution is for neither the conscious or the unconscious to dominate, but for both to come into balance. Wholeness is only possible when these blend and merge equally, and become in unison what neither could ever be apart and alone.

This is no mere logical or mechanical conjunction, but represents the emergence of a new state of being.  

Beyond the capability or even the knowledge of the Apollonian and Dionysian realms of which it is composed lies a further frontier . . .

Friday, June 4, 2010

Teepee Mandala

I was in a large marble-clad room with a vaulted ceiling. The shape seemed circular. In any case there was a circle of people sitting in it. These were the members of my “dream” group – we had gathered to share with one another the process of our waking dream together.

So I began to tell them a vision I had seen. It was of a large circular mandela viewed not from directly above but rather from the edge, and thus appearing oval. Along the circle’s periphery were twelve stations that were highly energized and in states of transformation.

These stations I understood to represent the various elemental aspects of an individual’s life, which needed to be tuned and set to an optimum state. That optimum state was called the Radix Integra, and depicted by √1, the square root of one.

At the center of this mandala was an Indian teepee. Inside sat a dark-haired young woman holding a child. Both were dressed in buckskin. Outside the teepee a cross-legged Indian warrior was on guard.

Somewhere in the middle of relating this vision, it occurred to me that the dream group itself could be considered such a mandala, and that each person in it compared to those peripheral stations needing to be tuned to harmonize the whole.  Even in realizing this dynamic it began to be illustrated.

Suddenly a rock wall arose between me and the others, and words no longer flowed between us. A state of isolation had been imposed on my station, or someone suggested, cauldron.

My spot in the large room became a separated alcove and I found myself sitting on a bench. Next to me was a young woman (the anima), who accused me of falling asleep while she was speaking to me.

I protested that I would not have done such a thing, but she insisted it was so. In fact, I knew nothing of what she might have said and therefore had to wonder if she was right and I had truly been as rude and insensitive as she was claiming.

Suddenly another woman also appeared, younger than the first (the anima often appears in multiples). This person said nothing to me, but spoke directly to Annie with speech that seemed garbled and unintelligible. Annie responded to her, also in words I couldn’t follow. Yet it was obvious that the two of them were conveying important information to one another.

In spite of my fervent attempt to understand, the conversation was completely beyond me. I heard the words but could not grasp their meaning. I even asked Annie to repeat what she had said, but to no avail.

When they had finished their perplexing dialogue Annie smiled at me and said, “This is the new way.”

What did that mean?

I felt these women, representing the human soul, were creating something extraordinay, perhaps a life experience yet to manifest outwardly. I ought to have been aware of it, and was invited to be, but was unfortunately incapable of such subtle perceptions.  The rational awareness was too dense, too “conscious” in the worst sense of the word, to hear their language and thus be optimally “tuned” by that fore-knowledge to live more truly.

Yet Annie's "new way" suggests that such intimate communications with the psyche are what the future holds for people dedicated to wholeness.  And the collaborative effort by which healing process are accentuated is clearly indicated as effective, while the message of hope is unmistakable.

I believe the teepee at the center containing the Indian mother and child signifies the Self, which is both the initial impetus and ultimate destination of all transformative movement. The guarding warrior could be likened to that shadow dragon common to oriental traditions, the fearsome creature that must be overcome to enter the presence of the Divine. In our American milieu, such an indigenous representation is fitting.

For those who believe themselves to be mentally compentent, it is daunting to realize how small our self-created world of rational intelligence is.  Yet the wisdom we wish would guide us is near, even within.

We must learn to listen. 

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Radix Integra

The painting was intended to reflect my own psychic state, the intense desire to find spiritual balance and wholeness.

It named itself. One morning while I was brushing my teeth the words "Radix Integra" came to mind.

Having no idea what this meant, I searched on the Internet. Google returned five entries, only one of which was in English.

This term was from a mansuscript on Hindu-Arab mathematics dating from ca 835 by al-khwarizmi, and means "the perfect square root of a number." 

There is only one number whose perfect square root equals the original number, and that is one.

Then I looked up the individual words. Radix is from Latin and means root or source. It is linked to life-force, Chi and Prana.

Integra is from Greek and means whole or undivided.

Radix Integra, the whole and undivided source of life

Monday, May 31, 2010

Surprise Endings

"There are no surprise endings,

just prayerful or non-prayerful ones."

Friday, May 28, 2010

2012 Living Prophecy

Today's entry is gratis Eden Sky, a researcher into the mysteries of the Maya.  I attended one of her lectures in Portland recently and am passing along her comments about a youtube video that readers here may appreciate: "2012: We are the Living Prophecy."

Count Down


Greetings Sacred Beings!

Happy MOON OF LIBERATION! (May 2 - May 29)
This is the cycle to let go, dissolve, breakthrough, release, shake it up, welcome creative chaos, let go of form and plans and rigidity and surrender to the universe splattering all the details around in total non-linearity!

The wisdom of Spectral Tone 11 says: "Let us free our self! Let us open and expand to forgive the old - meet the new - and surrender to the spectrum of our eternally evolving being!"

I too am ever-liberating and growing in these times! I finally generated my very first Youtube video! It is called "2012: We Are The Living Prophecy!" Please check it out and share it with anyone you think might be interested. Feel free to share your feedback - it is always lovely to hear back from you!

Many Blessings to all of you - May we sink the roots of trust deep into the soul of our hearts and find calm, joy and compassionate care for All of Life.

In Lak'ech - I am Another Yourself,
Eden Sky, Red Self-Existing Skywalker

PS: We are now accepting pre-orders for the upcoming calendar! The cover of the new calendar is attached to this message. Details are here:

Thursday, May 27, 2010

The Psychic Circus

I sat among the audience within a circus tent watching a one-ring show. Many faces, shrouded in the shadows, stared up at the lone performer silhouetted high above by a spotlight.

He clung to a wire attached to the very top of the big top, then slid slowly down. At the lower end of the wire, suspended about ten feet from the ground, was a trapeze. When the performer reached this trapeze he sat on it, then flipped backwards until only his feet were holding on by the ankles.

Upside down, he thrust his arms downward as if feeling for the earth below. But it was out of reach.

As he dangled in the air pivoting and squirming, I saw for the first time . . . the performer was blindfolded.

And I also understood that the point of the show was to see whether this man would try to escape the uncertainty of being suspended - whether he would dare jump to the stability of solid ground.

The scene revealed a strange inversion: normally it is the acrobat who knows the actual risk involved in his performance, while the audience greatly exaggerates it. Circus drama depends on viewer uncertainty, upon magnifying their perception of the danger.

But in this case the audience knew what the performer did not – that the distance between him and security was actually small. So the drama concerned how he resolved his fears about the situation, rather than the situation itself.

I had a seat at the Psychic Circus!

Some elements of the symbolic content of this scene seemed clear – the many faces in the audience represented diverse aspects of the unconscious psyche, while the performer was the egoic consciousness, effectively blind in the realm of deeper realities.

The “circus” suggested the fantastic (as in fantasy) and ephemeral nature of this life’s experiences, their dreamlike claim to a level of importance not merited in the grand scheme of things.

The performer also resembled the Hanged Man of the Tarot, suspended by the ankle with his arms outstretched.

Yet, though the Hanged Man seems helpless and out of his element, this vulnerability is said to be an opening through which greater insight may come.

By becoming consciously aware of what is always true anyway, namely that he IS suspended in the will of the Divine, he has the opportunity to trust rather than oppose such existential uncertainty.

The best response is indicated from the expression depicted on his face, namely

Peace and contentment.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


I sat near the Anima as she attempted to nurse her young child. Her breasts were abundantly overflowing with milk, yet he would not drink. He slid off the couch upon which she reclined and fussed impatiently on the floor.

Annie called the baby back and he accepted her breast again. But the same refusal to drink occurred, and repeated several more times.

Finally I understood that the child's objection was not to her, but rather to me. It did not want to nurse in my presence.

Jung calls the Anima the nearest guardian of the Self, the entity through which the ego must gain access to its inner truth and divinity.

Mindful of this, I picked up the child, kindly and lovingly, and brought it again to its mother.

Saying, “You must learn to nurse with me here, for we both need to be nourished by her.”

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Program

The Anima had written a program.

As an engineer, programming is my realm of expertise. So I was analyzing Annie's work, looking for mistakes or areas that could be improved. Control in, control out, logic flow, addressing, commenting, it all came under my consideration.

I spent a lot of time reviewing the sequence of operations in her program, what they did and how they did it. At first I felt quite critical, determined to expose the flaws I assumed must be present.

Unlike some dreams in which a person experiences frustration and setback, I was able to trace through the entirety of her logic successfully. And by the time I had reached the end of it, was impressed.

The Anima had a good program. Though from an asthetic point of view I might have ordered some points differently, there was nothing that really needed to be changed. It worked.

Even in the dream I understood that this "program" represented my life. Not in the sense that outcomes were predetermined and immutable, but rather that a superior intelligence was operative and that I could trust the process.

However difficult or contradictory circumstances or events might appear, something very intentional was unfolding - something not in the least arbitrary, accidental or indiscriminant.

The vision was also mysteriously personal. Annie revealed another dimension of herself to my gaze, in a context my rational mind thought it understood.  There was a sense of sharing and intimacy between us, of building confidence.

Then she said, "You get clear on what you get through."

And the message seemed to be: pursue the Process with determination.   Integration is not a random, haphazard event, but follows a specific pattern to reach its conclusion.

The Heroes Journey is universal and archetypal.  There are no shortcuts, nor may any of its checkpoints be ommited.  The Path toward wholeness must be completed, step by step, and then . . .

Clarity will come.

Monday, May 24, 2010

The Anima

In recent years the neglected inner Anima has pushed out into my life in the most dramatic fashion. However much this may have been reflected through unique relationships with particular souls, I now perceive those outer situations as primarily archetypal teaching experiences.

In fact, as the symbolic dimension becomes gradually more apparent and the lessons involved assimilated, my appreciation for the richness and depth of those experiences increases – and the pain of their administration seems less objectionable.

It is no small task to grow up, to become psychically mature. This is what alchemy is all about after all, and no one who has taken up that effort suggests that turning “lead” into “gold” is easy or instantaneous.

The fine distinction is that the alchemist consciously intends what he is doing, and therefore his unavoidable discomfort with the unbelievably rough process of self-transformation is balanced against the wondrous goal he wholeheartedly pursues, namely life eternal.

Life eternal doesn’t mean “living forever" necessarily, but rather living fully and completely . . . now.

But why is the Anima important? According to C. G. Jung, she is the guardian of the Self, the nearest protector and defender of the wholeness within. She is the Mother of the Divine Child, that inner tot who both attracts and repulses us. The Anima is the psychic lover we want more than anything, but who we also cannot stand to be around. 

The conflict and paradox thus implied and expressed is a sign of just how ultimate these primal relationships are - they go to the heart of the dichotomy of spirit incarnate in flesh - the psychic borderline situation which every human being notices to some degree. 

Yet, the level of abject surrender to truth that an integration with the Anima requires is quite beyond what the average person is capable. Average people have to turn into alchemists to even begin the journey.

However much one may desire her, the Anima is not very accessible - at least initially. She also is “guarded” by something - a ferocious beast often characterized as a serpent or dragon.

Oriental sculptures of Kwan Yin depict this monster swirling around her feet, sometimes also holding the sphere of the Self. The creature must be vanquished and integrated in order to reach the holy Treasure.

In the western tradition this archetypal conflict is represented by St. George, who embarks on a quest to slay the dragon that imprisons the maiden who will both love the knight unconditionally and free her people (or country) from an ageless curse. Sounds romantic, but it is actually a matter of psychic life or death.

One of the ways the Anima can be touched is through dreams. Messages may be transferred back and forth by means of images within the ethers of unconsciousness. My Anima (which I somewhat facetiously call “Annie”) has found her voice in this way.

Recently Annie presented the following vision: we were in an apartment together and she entrusted a child to my care so that I could “reprogram” (her word, but I AM an engineer) my relationship with it. This was not just any infant; it was “our” child. I checked the child's diaper and it was full of poop. I proceeded to change the diaper and Annie said I would not have to worry about doing this again as the baby would be “cleaned out” after that.

How do you bring such a vision back into the real world of earning a living and paying bills? To me it comes down to this: the Inner Child (so clearly represented in the dream) has definite needs – love, attention, protection, etc. A caring parent should take care of those infant needs without imposing the stresses and responsibilities of the adult world. That parent should assure the child it need not worry, that everything will be properly taken care of so that both child and adult can become the fullness of what they are.

Implied in this message also is that the Anima, in facilitating this reunion of self with Self, is also allowed to fulfill her ultimate purpose.  She is permitted to emerge into consciousness as both Mother to the Child and Lover to the Man. 

A sacred union of former and seeming opposites ensues,

And all are healed.

Sunday, May 23, 2010


On this day Pentecost is commemorated in the Christian tradition. Pentecost is when the Holy Spirit came to earth - fifty days after Pascha.

In the times of the Old Testament, people of Abraham’s descent conceived of God as one entity. With the advent of Jesus the novel idea emerged that God had a Son.

And when that Son ascended into heaven after his death and resurrection, He let people know there was actually a third component of the Godhead, the Holy Spirit. Moreover, Jesus promised to send back this Holy Spirit to continue His divine work on earth:

“But when the Comforter is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father, even the Spirit of truth, which proceeds from the Father, he shall testify of me” (John 15:26).

Contemplating these things while standing in church today, I wondered what the Apostles might have felt when the Holy Spirit descended upon them for the first time. Acts 2: 1-11 says,

"And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place. And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting. And there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.

"And there were dwelling at Jerusalem Jews, devout men, out of every nation under heaven. Now when this was noised abroad, the multitude came together, and were confounded, because that every man heard them speak in his own language. And they were all amazed and marvelled, saying one to another, Behold, are not all these which speak Galilaeans? And how hear we every man in our own tongue, wherein we were born? Parthians, and Medes, and Elamites, and the dwellers in Mesopotamia, and in Judaea, and Cappadocia, in Pontus, and Asia, Phrygia, and Pamphylia, in Egypt, and in the parts of Libya about Cyrene, and strangers of Rome, Jews and proselytes, Cretes and Arabians, we do hear them speak in our tongues the wonderful works of God."

Obviously it was a tremendous experience, but did the Apostles understand what was happening? Maybe the Holy Spirit gave them the gift of wisdom as well as the gift of tongues, but the Bible doesn’t say so.

They might have been thinking, “Hey, I’m talking in languages I don’t even know! What is going on????”

After all, the Bible makes it clear they weren't always on top of their game. Peter couldn't even walk on water without someone holding his hand.

Maybe such things occur to me because that's how I feel most of the time . . . sort of dull and dim-witted.

But unlike those early Christians who spoke freely and changed the world, my tendency is to shut up and be quiet.

In the face of the confusion and unknowing so evident in my life, it feels pretentious to say much of anything.

So why do so now? Because on this day when the Apostles spoke words they'd never spoken before and probably didn't even know, a friend encouraged me to have another go - to try to communicate on this blog.

The synchronicity was noticeable even to dull me.

Sunday, April 18, 2010


Gradually you perceive the Presence. And it is not what you had expected.

It comes not as a great cosmic event or stupendous alchemical achievement,

But rather like an innocent child.

The similarities are staggering: the ancients expected Christ to show up as a full blown king trampling down their enemies. But he was born in poverty and humility, helpless and dependent.

With the child there comes a question: will you surrender to the responsibility of caring for an infant? Will you go on together in love?

Though it has no diapers to change, this baby needs constant attention. It wants to feel welcomed, loved, and protected.

You realize that the “one thing needful” is not some object to be found or deed to be done. It is not an acquisition or accomplishment.

It is a relationship requiring self-sacrifice.

Maternal instincts emerge (a strange experience for a man!) Nesting, nurturing, accommodating – attributes of motherhood.

The habitual urge for distraction diminishes, for there is a newborn to care for.

One perceives life anew. The things that had seemed so important simply aren’t now. They were like winds buffeting the house at night, whistling through the corners - expressions of an archetypal pain that has but one answer, one salving. They could frighten because you felt alone.

And now . . .

You are not alone any more.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Good Friday

I surrendered to Lent this year. Embraced the fast altogether. Didn’t even pay attention to the “wine and oil” days when those ingredients were temporarily permitted.

This behavior wasn't motivated by an attempt to be good or spiritual. I just didn’t care that much about what needed to be let go of.

I also went to church a lot more, and for a similar reason. The things that could have been done instead didn't seem very important.

The fact is, I just felt tired of my life as it has been for so long, the appetites and activities of before. I felt weary of the world and its ways in me.

Midway through Lent, a friend invited me to accompany him for a retreat at the Greek Orthodox Monastery of St. Anthony in Florence, Arizona. This struck me as a sign from God.

Five days of  focused spirituality ensued.  We were awakened every night at 12:30 AM, then went into the church and prayed until 5:00 AM. The solemnity of the candle-lit interior, the calm movements of the monks revering icons in the dead of night and chanting (every word in Greek) - were all stupendously beautiful.

After a breakfast of beans and octopus I would stumble into the daylight, crouch among the saguaro cacti, and weep. My life history hung like a curtain of infamy before my eyes, a dark shroud of concentrated evil seemingly defying every aspiration of hope to be a whole and healed person.

And through this, a question presented itself again and again: what, exactly, is the “sacred”?

Is holiness only of the non-immanent God, something completely “other” than humanity, to which we have no access save through the mediation of a savior?

Or is it what we are already at the deepest level – that is to say, our very Being, which no one else can truly mediate?

Or is it both . . . or neither?

I believe life’s purpose is to respond to this ultimate question through transformation . . . by becoming, if this doesn't seem too presumptuous, the answer. The Hero’s Journey is not completed through a statement of faith or mere conceptual schematic, but experientially: begun in quiet humility, ended in triumphant ignominy.

Surely this is the message of Good Friday, for why else would the sinless Son of God be required to die on a Cross?

There is that within us which is destined to reign though born obscure, like Jesus.

Yet as soon as that royal child comes into existence, the powers of the world are out to get it, just as Herod ordered his soldiers to kill the baby Jesus. So Joseph takes the child and flies to Egypt, and into hiding.

The holy infant, the Truth of Being, is hidden from and persecuted by the self-serving humanity which each of us becomes outwardly. This divine child, having no place to rest and lay its head, is rejected and condemned.

Why is this so? Why does the Christ suffer Crucifixion?

Why does He who has authority to command ten thousand angels endure such humiliation? It is an extraordinary paradox, to which theology posits various contradictory interpretations.

Perhaps understanding of this comes to those souls who discern that they have indeed, like Herod, like Judas, like Pilate, persecuted, betrayed and condemned Christ in their own lives - both within and without.

And yet, that through doing so, they now stand at the foot of the Cross and can say with a conviction that was not possible before,

“Truly, this was the Son of God. “

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Hen and Egg

The sense of Self needs to be released from bondage and emerge as a new creature, with a new base and foundation. Whether this is a psychological event or mystical one, it is definitely experiential.

In being felt, understanding deepens. There is a perception of actuality, of something real but transcendent unfolding. Belief does not seem to be a factor, neither abstract intellectual grasping.

It is like a mist gradually clearing and revealing the outlines of the moon, whereas before only a vague, diffuse light could be discerned. It is a natural movement manifesting as one returns over and over to a state of watchfulness, like a hen who broods over her nest waiting for the egg to hatch.

One senses how inappropriate and useless are any mechanisms attempting to force or hurry this process. All that is required, and all that is possible, is to diligently, mindfully watch.

"And what I say unto you I say unto all, Watch" Mark 13:37

We need only be present, observing the energetic currents as they flow back and forth like waves at the beach or the tide in its rhythms.

This, it seems, is the real deal. This is where the action is.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

At last the old joke is actualized in one's own experience, when we realize . . .

. . . we are both.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

The Hare

I was staring into a large aquarium in which a rabbit was sinking head-first toward the gravel bottom. The animal paused in its descent and looked out at me. I could see it was not distressed, and was in fact calmly holding its breath underwater. I got the impression it had been doing so for a very long time already.

Then I woke up and mulled over this peculiar dream, wondering what it was trying to convey. Water is a symbol of spirit, but why would a rabbit be spending time in that?

I picked up my current book, "Man and His Symbols" by C. G. Jung, then flipped a page and immediately read: "The second stage of human life is characterized by the Hare, in which the individual is starting to become socially adapted."

Hmmm. A rabbit, then a hare?  Seemed a bit on the synchronous side.

That night I went to a lecture on the Mayan calendar. At the front of the room was a statue of the Mayan fertility goddess Ixchel, characterized by - guess what? - a rabbit!

Whoa. Synchronicity seemed to be closing in. It appeared that my unconscious was pretty determined to communicate something to the rest of me. Was I getting the message though?

Perhaps it was saying that denial of one's life is an act of self-betrayal, and that inner light needs to be taken from under the bushel basket and allowed to shine.

Or maybe, that to assume oneself "not good enough" is to pronounce God a failure - a deity capable of making mistakes.

Or that staying stuck in a developmental phase allows primal wounds to remain unhealed, and that a soul's journey needs to be understood, accepted and embraced so it can be set free from wherever it is trapped.

Possibly it was just pointing out the obvious - that my creativity and sociability have been submerged long enough and it is time to express them in a new and fertile way.

So I opted for an experiment:

I headed to a Goodwill thrift store to see what might be there as confirmation. I knew this would have to be pretty special - not your typical Easter bunny or cartoon rabbit figurine. It would have to really fit the sober synchronicities that had already been presented.

So I went in like someone picking up a layaway, as though I already knew what was there.

And inside I found . . . a hare

Not looking not down toward the bottom of the fish tank,

But rather up . . . toward the stars.