Conceptual Neutrality

There is a witticism to the effect of: “Blessed is he who, having nothing to say, refrains from giving wordy evidence of that fact.” I used to think that applied to all kinds of people other than me.

No, this blog is not shut down. Every day I wrestle with it, struggle to see if my experience can be grappled into words. Often it just doesn’t come together.

I’ve lived in a conceptual universe – like most people. I learned how to form vague thought strands into conceptual objects – mental instruments and tools for navigating through life. Over the years the process grew sort of automatic and transparent – I didn’t even know it was happening.

Sometimes – rarely – I would get a strange message alerting me to a reality and wholeness beyond my experience, but mostly I lived in a prefabricated mental state with narrowly defined limits.


Eventually there were some psychic nuclear detonations that changed my outer and inner landscape drastically. These cracked open huge awareness rocks and inner glaciers began to slowly thaw and move. Now I am embarked on a quest for conceptual neutrality.

These days the concepts fly around like flies - buzzing, buzzing - landing here and there. A nuisance, but at least they can be seen for the meager thought forms they really are. Not eternal beings, but merely passing effluvia (occasionally useful but mostly just distracting) that come and go through my field of awareness out of habit.

Consequently, I feel like most of my inspirations get mauled by these concepts into something mentally digestible and somewhat bland. So there is a reluctance to speak of them, to share in words what seems so underwhelming, as compared to the glory that is slowly starting to emerge.

This morning as I sat in a prayerful state, tears were coming. I didn’t know why; there was actually a sense of love hanging in the air like a mist, a fragrance. And that old phrase “love hurts” came to mind. It was intense, like electricity vibrating the cells of the body, flowing through the heart and squeezing it gently but firmly, squeezing it flat and dry, squishing every last bit of sorrow, sadness, grief and pain out into the light.

And then I discovered that someone cared whether the blog lived or died. So, thanks to those readers who expressed concern. The blog and I are not deceased, though in a spiritual sense that may be coming.

The Lost Chord

The Lost Chord

There is a legend about a musical chord that once was played but cannot be found or remembered any more. The Moody Blues probably gave this concept the best modern articulation in their second album, “In Search of the Lost Chord.”

The following poem by Adelaide Procter is sweet but misses the greater point, which is that the chord represents something that everyone has heard at least faintly.

Seated one day at the Organ,
I was weary and ill at ease,
And my fingers wandered idly
Over the noisy keys.

I do not know what I was playing,
Or what I was dreaming then;
But I struck one chord of music,
Like the sound of a great Amen.

It flooded the crimson twilight,
Like the close of an Angel's Psalm,
And it lay on my fevered spirit
With a touch of infinite calm.

It quieted pain and sorrow,
Like love overcoming strife;
It seemed the harmonious echo
From our discordant life.

It linked all perplexéd meanings
Into one perfect peace,
And trembled away into silence
As if it were loth to cease.

I have sought, but I seek it vainly,
That one lost chord divine,
Which came from the soul of the Organ,
And entered into mine.

It may be that Death's bright angel
Will speak in that chord again,
It may be that only in Heaven
I shall hear that grand Amen.


The argument could easily be made that the world’s hustle and bustle is mostly a frantic manifestation of the search for that chord - a desperate, if unconscious, effort to hear again the “sound” that brings meaning and peace to the confused lives people otherwise lead.

It is possible that this symbolic “chord” is not in fact lost at all, and has never stopped sounding. What was lost is humanity’s ability to hear it.



But this could be changing. Perhaps we will discover that the music of God plays unceasingly through every willing voice.

Not only in the strains of inspired compositions such as “The Messiah,” but in the prayerful chants of ordinary people, the twittering of birds, the colossal cycles of planets and stars swooping through the universe, and in fact through every created thing whose will is surrendered to truth.

Pain Serves

Pain Serves

As bad as 2008 was economically, experts expect 2009 to be even worse. There will be more company closings, more layoffs and unemployment, more stock losses, more foreclosures, more housing devaluations.

In other words, more pain.

We are experiencing the collective pain of our society, both in this country and in the world at large. It is a huge pain, seemingly unmanageable, and it keeps growing.

People hope that the government will be able to make it go away, to make everything “alright” again. But even though the agony is so great, the solution is not likely to be found in administrative programs or changes in monetary policy.


When circumstances change drastically and move people very far from what they consider comfort or normality, pain is the usual result. This can produce frantic efforts to manipulate those circumstances in an attempt to restore or resolve better conditions.

But overwhelmingly difficult and challenging situations may not be solvable according to anything that was known before. It may be that the pain of these circumstances is pushing people toward a new paradigm of living and functioning.

If the difficult story of personal life or collective society becomes unbearable, people may be motivated to stop believing that these represent absolute truth.

When the comfort and safety we have been dreaming in disappears, we may feel strongly moved to wake up.

And in this way, pain serves.

Betrayal

Betrayal

There is a burning ember inside, like a chunk of smoldering coal – hot, stinky, with razor-sharp edges that cut whatever they contact. Touching this piece of fiery energetic agony is like being crucified mercilessly, relentlessly, interminably.

And it has a name: BETRAYAL.

If only I could be the one betrayed – how much kinder that would be to my soul. But this cross is so much harder to bear: wounding loved ones and destroying their trust.

It is the discovery that you, even the “you” that was assumed to be somewhat wonderful, is capable of ultimate darkness and malicious harm to others.

How, just how, is this awareness, this hideous knowledge, to be borne? One can try to run from it, but there is a limit and eventually the shadow claims its victim.

It seems this ember cannot be extinguished. After a while even the tears become exhausted and run dry – the eyes cannot cry enough, the heart reaches its capacity for grief. The soul longs for annihilation as recompense for the pain it has caused.

I carried the lump of fiery darkness into the new day, accepting that this demon was to be my constant companion - as two prisoners are shackled together to make escape that much more difficult.

I said to it, sit down on my heart, be at ease, for I must still go to my day job.

But then I saw something along the road, nothing in particular, and a deep feeling arose. A feeling of abundance, of being in the middle of something alive and warm. And I remembered feeling the same thing as a child. Perhaps this is why children, who can do nothing for themselves, are not afraid at first.

But those children soon forget that loving, embracing presence. They “grow up” and learn they must provide for themselves - because the world is hostile. They lose the most precious reality, and after this they are always seeking (in the wrong ways) to find it again.

And I saw that betrayal can occur from the desire to recover and reclaim, at whatever cost, the ultimate joy that was lost so long ago.

Not that this makes it any easier.

The New Explorers

The New Explorers

I’ve read a lot of books, but these days I mostly just cycle through Michael Brown, Eckhart Tolle and Gangaji. The same books, over and over, speaking new words every time - each from his or her perspective.

Other authors get my thinking mind too involved – with these three it is like what they are saying skips over the mind like a rock on a smooth pool of water – and doesn’t stop till it reaches the other shore.

It must be wonderful to put words together like that, in that way that goes right to the reader’s heart. It must be a thrill to be a spiritual explorer who inspires others to follow them into the mysterious paths of life.

It is easy to consider people like these as the equivalent of Lewis and Clark, charting out strange new lands that everyone else reads about in the newspaper with sighs of astonishment, trying to visualize what this or that thing might really look like.

There is a Hindu Fable about six blind men who go to “see” an elephant.

The first approached the elephant,
And happening to fall
Against his broad and sturdy side,
At once began to bawl:
“God bless me! But the elephant
Is very like a wall!”

The second, feeling of the tusk,
Cried, “Ho! What have we here
So very round and smooth and sharp?
To me ‘tis mighty clear
This wonder of an elephant
Is very like a spear!”

The other four blind men conclude the elephant is like a tree, a fan, a rope and a snake. So each of the six forms an opinion that is both right and wrong, correct but incomplete.

But what about considering something larger than an elephant, such as the universe - or the emerging consciousness of mankind?

I suspect that every person who sets forth on the journey of inner discovery and revelation has something unique and valuable to contribute, by which others can be benefited. They may see part of the picture, but the picture is infinite - so there is plenty of room for an infinite number of descriptions.

No doubt there are as many potential explorers and consequent inspirational messages as human souls. And that is exciting.

Touching God

Touching God

"Satan" is what happens to energy that can't find its way back to God. Ungrounded mental energy that can't feel its way to the source, that has lost awareness of being part of something more, something whole - is "evil," meaning separate.

It is lost, and not being able to touch the God it loves and must have, it conjures up images of what it manages to recall and worships these instead. They emerge as abstractions, thoughts, concepts, machines . . .

God must be experienced and touched, if not in reality then in distorted imagination. Life cannot bear to be apart from itself.

Being Alright

Being Alright

So today I got close to the center of it, the epicenter of my truth. It has been the little seed under a thousand mattresses that still gave the Princess bruises on her butt no matter what.

“I’m never going to be alright inside.”

Yes, let’s argue against this and get the psychologists and psychiatrists involved. There are a million reasons why it shouldn’t be true. I’ve spent decades trying to disprove it in every way I could think of.

I’ve achieved this and accomplished that, succeeded in this thing and almost succeeded in that thing, had this multitude of relationships that demonstrate my worth and value and virility and necessity.

But the short answer is that none of that was ever needed, or would have ever been needed, if I had been alright inside. And since I’m not, therefore a million attempts had to be made to try to change my deficient inner condition from without.

Only now do I see how fruitless and vain this colossal effort was.

So what is left? As of today I just have to cop to the fact that “I’m never going to be alright inside.” Just bed down with that feeling and let it roll all over me and drown me in the vague sensation of nausea like something putrid has been sitting on the stomach for millennia.

What do I care if asteroids come and destroy the earth? Frankly, I will hurry over to ground zero and be the first one squashed. If I’m never going to be alright inside, then nothing outside is ever going to matter. THAT has been amply demonstrated in this life.

In a way it is kind of a relief to get this insight. It feels like now I can stop fighting – stop trying to make an outer life that is just not going to work, not going to manifest being alright, because “being alright” doesn’t have anywhere to come from.

So, it’s over. The struggle to be alright is over. In a way, I’m . . . free.

Letting Go

Letting Go

It was dusk and the sky ignited above the bridge like a flaming peacock tail. The man stared wistfully at it from the rail.

“I don’t know where I am,” he said quietly.

“No,” agreed the clown. “And this is progress! Not long ago you thought you knew for sure.”

“I didn’t know I would wind up on this bridge.”

“No one ever does.”

From far away arose the faint sound of shuffling footsteps - people moving hesitantly as though unsure of their footing. The sound grew slowly louder as step by faltering step they inched nearer to the bridge upon which the man and the clown waited.

At a distance, the peculiar movements of these approaching people were difficult to make out. But gradually, as they came more and more into view, they seemed almost to participate in an amazing dance. For they walked back foremost, unaware and careless of the forward direction, with steps unsure and novel.

And as these strange dancers moved along backwards, they swung their arms out as though casting unseen objects away.

“How will they manage to find the bridge in this way?” asked the man.

“They are walking away, not toward,” the clown answered. “Away from what they have known. Away from what they have been. And yet their steps lead directly to this place.”

“But what are they throwing with their hands?”

“God knows. They are letting go, letting go, letting go.”

Part of the Galaxy

Part of the Galaxy

The effort many are making to publicize all possible ramifications of 2012 is a tremendous service. Hopefully this information will spread worldwide. Is it very healthy for a serious sense of concern to develop about all this.

Comparatively speaking, this earth is but a speck within the galaxy of the Milky Way. And from the center of our universe, scientists believe cosmic rays may shoot forth inundating everything and creating massive geophysical changes.

What action could anyone here take to avoid that? What cave would be deep enough, what mountain high enough, to offer protection?

This is wonderful to consider, and certainly puts worldly “problems” in perspective.

All of the conflict between people and between peoples, the striving for power, prestige and money, the planning for wealth, fame, success, health, longevity – it all starts to look pretty silly, when humanity as a whole is facing an unequivocal cosmic equalizer.


Having a specific date to focus on, namely the year 2012, is also very helpful. King David wrote,

“So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom” (Psalm 90:12).


We are admonished to live each day as though it were our last – because eventually it will be.

Catastrophic events are very likely to occur, especially since seers and prophets have been sounding warnings about this for millennia.

Will such occurrences utterly destroy mankind? If that was the intent what would be the purpose of warnings? Warnings are for those willing to heed them and thus avoid the danger.

Holy writings emphasize that destruction is not God's goal, but rather transformation. Therefore the only path of “safety” lies not in any mechanism of physical protection, but rather in profound voluntary change individually and collectively.

The way to be isolated from the fear of death in the future is to die now.

Die to all that is no longer in the service of wisdom and the greater Life, both within and without.

Apocalypse Immunity

Apocalypse Immunity

The countdown to 2012 has gone main stream; this is clear from the showing of “Apocalypse Week” on the History Channel. But it is strange to see the cataclysmic fate of the dinosaur dynasty contrasted to the anticipated end of the world and, supposedly, humankind.

It is as though the only significant distinction between the ancient reptiles and homo-sapiens has to do with biological characterization - and perhaps incidentally, the development of civilized culture.

And that any geo-physical disaster which may occur, such as another killer comet plunging into the earth, will be happening TO us or IN SPITE of us.

But certainly not BECAUSE of us.

Yet science has already determined, at least on the quantum level, that what is seen is affected by who is looking. Physical reality (which includes energy) responds to consciousness.


Sacred literature also emphasizes this principal. World-changing catastrophic events are precipitated and influenced by the consciousness of those they affect. According to the Scriptures, the Flood which apparently ended the last age of man was induced by human corruption:

“And God looked upon the earth, and, behold, it was corrupt; for all flesh had corrupted his way upon the earth. And, behold, I, even I, do bring a flood of waters upon the earth, to destroy all flesh, wherein is the breath of life, from under heaven” (Gen. 6: 12, 17).

Similarly the Bible anticipates another judgment yet to come, and for similar reasons:

“But the heavens and the earth, which are now, by the same word are kept in store, reserved unto fire against the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men” (2 Peter 3:7).

But the world resists this idea, which results in the quandary of seeming to be both in control of destiny while remaining a victim of it. There is a profound reluctance to assume real responsibility not only for what we do, but what we are.

And yet what we are determines what we do, even when one is essentially unconscious of the inner dimensions of self.

It is useful to reflect on the various ways Apocalypse could manifest, and how destructive this could be.

But question then should not be: “What can I do outwardly to keep myself safe?”

But rather, “How should I be inwardly so the whole world is safe?”

Moving Mountains

Moving Mountains

Thoreau was once asked, “What would you do if you knew the world was going to end tomorrow?” He replied, “I would weed my garden.” At first blush this answer sounds like naivety, bravado or both. But it reflects wisdom.

The History Channel is running a lengthy series on the Apocalypse, featuring every conceivable doomsday scenario that could result in mankind’s demise. For the last couple days they have been focusing on the possibility of giant asteroids devastating the earth.


Certain telescopes are currently on a mission to detect bits of falling rock. They methodically observe each quadrant of sky every two weeks.



But there is ongoing worry among scientists that these instruments may miss something - for instance an object coming from the sun that would make it appear invisible or one that would show up just when the telescopes were looking elsewhere.

Other scientists are pondering what action to take when (not if) the “killer asteroid” ultimately is sighted. Plans to deflect or destroy this threat include battering it with nuclear explosives, painting half of it white (No, I am not making this up), pulling it with spacecraft tractor beams, etc.


It is interesting that these programs often refer to such asteroids as mountains – and the asteroid event as equivalent to throwing an entire mountain into the sea at the speed of a bullet.



If such a mountain WAS to hit this planet as hypothesized, existence as we know it would be pretty much over for most living things.

So what to do about all this? Weed your garden.

Given the current state of the world, the time for people to propose and implement rational, logistical reactions to problems is rapidly coming to an end. Another kind of response is both possible and desperately needed, but it cannot be discovered or developed in the absence of weeding one’s garden.

Two thousand years ago Jesus gave instruction on handling problematic mountains:

“If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you” (Mat. 17:20).

Scientific knowledge is useful, but insufficient. A deeper knowledge is needed, based on reality and truth. This, I hope and believe, is what mankind is moving toward. Weeding the garden can reveal it.

And then asteroids will pose no threat whatsoever.

The Last

The Last

“But many that are first shall be last; and the last first” (Mark 10:31) This is one of those inscrutable verses in the Bible that gives rise to countless interpretations. It seems to indicate that much is opposite to what we think it is.

This principle comes to mind in viewing the wreck of the Peter Iredale on the Northwest coast of Oregon. The Peter Iredale was a 278 foot British four mast bark that ran aground on Clatsop Beach October 25, 1906. Everyone aboard escaped safely but the ship itself became part of the shoreline – literally. Today it is partly buried in the sand and seems to be in the process of revealing more and more of its skeleton to view as the years pass.



If the Peter Iredale had not become a shipwreck on the Pacific coast of America, it would likely have returned to England and decayed in permanent obscurity. But now it lives on, in a manner of speaking. The passengers are unknown, the crew is unknown, the cargo is unknown, its other voyages are unknown, but people come and stare in admiration at this hulk over a hundred years after its demise.

Whatever purpose this ship served in its supposedly useful working life is long since forgotten and insignificant – whereas now it inspires fascination and wonder.

How much of our own lives that seem so important now at the “first” will be so later at the “last”? Perhaps something that is presently unknown or insignificant will be recognized as the defining characteristic of our existence.

A New Creature

A New Creature

Just before the New Year I bought a Vietnamese Walking Stick. Why? Because it was the cheapest thing I could find for the terrarium. I like strange creatures anyway, and these long, gangly insects that hardly move and don’t need anything but blackberry leaves (which grow everywhere year-round in the Pacific Northwest) seemed ideal for my quiet environment.

New Years Eve was pretty good; there were lots of productive reflections about the immensity of the year just passing and all that had happened. I felt like I had grown maybe an inch over the last twelve months in terms of a goal to become more integrated and authentic. But hey, that’s at least some progress – I think.

Then New Year’s Day occurred . . . and darkness and despair seemed to overwhelm everything all over again. I felt like the same helpless, hopeless person I had always been and apparently always would be, with plenty of pain and no gain to speak of. I was ready to throw in the towel and just say that’s it, I give up, I quit, let me out of here forever and ever.

Then I happened to notice the Vietnamese Walking Stick. He had gotten a lot bigger and below him on the ground was a smaller, deflated version of himself. Just like that, with no fanfare, he had molted, popping open his old skin and stepping out of it.

What an amazing feat! And it was all done so quietly, without drama, self-pity or anguish. He just unzipped his former self and emerged ready to continue life as a brand new creature.

And suddenly, I felt better.

Haunted Lives

Haunted Lives

A popular current TV program is about ghost busting. It depicts a team of guys who spend their nights in creepy places deemed to be haunted. The spirits they encounter in those places are typically malevolent – angry, frustrated, vengeful. Well, who wouldn’t be upset at being stuck in such ugly places?

The idea of discarnate spirits abiding on earth and terrifying other humans has tremendous psychic appeal. Probably every culture recognizes ghosts, goblins and ghouls in one way or another. In America we celebrate Halloween with zeal, and there is even a cartoon called “Caspar the Friendly Ghost.”



But the resonance people feel with the departed dead may have less to do with an “us versus them” perception than a “we are them” one – although deeply unconscious.



A “ghost” is by definition incomplete – not fully present. Otherwise it wouldn’t still be hanging around in this realm. It is a portion of some entity, a fragment of consciousness or energy that is unbalanced and unresolved. As such it cannot help being basically unsound and what we would call evil.



What makes ghosts fascinating is the fact that most of us with living physical bodies are pretty much like them. Our lives are haunted – and yes, by malevolent spirits. Watch the news, read a book, take in a movie - you will see virtually nothing but dysfunctional people with evil intentions.




Then bring the concept home and take a look inside – if you dare. Consider the self-seeking, unfeeling spirit that has been directing your course for so many years - and ask whether or not your life is haunted.

But there's hope . . . the exorcist is coming.

Making Choices

Making Choices

“I had a dream,” said the man as he gazed at the water flowing far below. “And I can’t understand it.”

“Dreams are mirrors,” said the clown, who stood next to him at the bridge railing. “You don’t understand it because you don’t understand your life.”

“That’s why I’m stranded here on this bridge, midway to nowhere. I don’t get it. I don’t get anything.”

“Not knowing can be a sign of courage and maturity.”

The man paused, then began to relate his dream: “Someone was making a picture of everything in my life,” he said. “But there were too many things, and things that didn’t fit. So this person who was making the picture told me some of the things had to be removed. I was wondering how to do that, when we heard a VOICE. This voice carried authority and it said to both of us,

Everything must be included; nothing can be left out.
Make a choice.
"So then the artist found a way to include everything. But I . . . "

“You didn't get it,” the clown said, finishing his thought.

“Well, it's your typical ‘choose between alternatives’ dream, right?"

The clown smiled.


“But it doesn’t make sense!” The man was growing agitated. “The voice said everything had to be included, but it also said to make a choice! How can you do both? Besides, there’s no way to figure out what to include or exclude in my life – it’s impossible!”



The clown’s gaze was upon the water. “So you think this is a ‘you can’t have both’ scenario?”

“That’s what it has seemed like for quite awhile.”

The clown put a gentle hand on the man’s shoulder. “Your dream is NOT about choosing between alternatives,” he said. “Even mutually exclusive ones.”

“What is it, then?” asked the man in surprise.

“Those 'alternatives' are important elements of your life picture. They are needed and that’s why the voice said they must be included. You can’t be whole without them. This isn’t about choosing one situation over another or trying to deny responsibilities or connections or relationships. All of those things are expressions of you that need to be accepted, brought together, integrated and harmonized.”

“Then why did the voice say to make a choice?”

“The choice is in whether you will accept the way of wholeness and surrender to embracing all of yourself. Or whether instead you will continue to resist and fight and tear yourself into pieces and put the pieces into separate piles of what is 'acceptable' and 'unacceptable.'”

The man sighed and took a deep breath. “There’s room for my whole life?” He felt peacefully perplexed.

The clown chuckled. "I think you are starting to understand now," he said, walking away.

Honoring Loss

Honoring Loss

In 2008 “loss” has been very palpable. The Dow Jones Industrial average has lost 36%, the S&P 500 40.5% and the Nasdaq 42.5% - this stock market decline being the worst since 1931. Housing values have also lost $2 trillion in value with about 12 million Americans currently owing more on their mortgages than their homes are worth. The number of homes going into foreclosure is around 2.2 million, in part because two million jobs have been lost and a million more job cuts are expected in 2009.

I also was laid off from career positions – twice, and consecutively. The life I had envisioned consisted of increasing gains with nothing much ever going wrong, and finally entering old age peacefully with praise and honor.

Piece by piece, all of those expectations disintegrated. First it was financial stability, then long term relationships, finally even core beliefs – loss bit into all, and is not done biting.


If loss never took away outer things, the world as we want it to be, ourselves as we think we are, it would be possible to live in an imaginary state forever, satisfied with imperfection and incompletion, never motivated enough to break free.

But there is a time to grow and a time to wither – this is obvious in nature. The Bible also speaks of a “time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away” (Ecc 3:6).

Looking back, the times which have been most excruciating in terms of loss are also the most memorable and inwardly transformative. Humans have tremendous inertia to resist the loss experience, to begrudge it, to just endure it and hope it will end soon so we can get on with the “gain and growth” side of the cycle.

But the heart longs for this experience of outward loss. Until that happens, its needs remain deluged and unrecognized in the doings and activities of exterior existence.


Jesus said, “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it” (Luke 9:24).

It is not easy to welcome Loss and offer it a seat of honor at our table, especially since this is not a mere conceptual proceeding but rather one with teeth that usually hurt. But it is the pathway to freedom and salvation that has been established in the universe.

Therefore we may reasonably hope that our planet, our country and ourselves are currently being offered the greatest possible gift, in the form of . . . Loss.

The Blank Canvas of 2009

The Blank Canvas of 2009

Usually the yearly transition means no fanfare for me. I stopped making New Year Resolutions long ago because they were always so forgettable - and in fact immediately forgotten.

This year there is a difference, though there won’t be a “resolution” in the form of forgettable words.

The year 2008 was dramatic and dynamic, with so much to grow from. Surely 2009 will bring things into awareness that are both old and new, familiar yet completely unexpected.

How will we be with the revelation of this New Year and its challenging opportunities?

Will we be taken off guard by desiring certainty and comfort when life is presenting what feels like uncertainty and discomfort?

Will we glibly speak of things not yet experienced or assimilated?

A canvas awaits that will be painted by our interaction with the universe. A brush stroke will be made by the "painter," followed by another by THE PAINTER. Back and forth we will go, creating either a “work of art” or a “work o fart.”

My resolution for this new year of 2009 is to be with this living composition - and to strive to bring awareness of the Gift of trust into each brush stroke.

God will make his strokes, and no doubt some will seem too scary or demanding.

In response I will make mine,trying as best I can to respond faithfully and truly to the life shown in His.

Hopefully together this back and forth between us will gradually form an image that is authentic. Not syrupy with some sort of conceptual notion of how life should be, but as honest as I have learned how to be.

For now I contemplate the image yet unseen that will begin to take shape as the promise of the days unfolds.

Christmas Gifts

Christmas Gifts

There’s an old song which goes, “All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.” It is amusing, of course, and slightly absurd. If a person could have ANYTHING at all, reasons the egoic mind, why would he only want his two front teeth?

We assume that he wants the teeth BACK because they are missing - but maybe that is not the case at all.

Whether or not the songwriter intended it, there is a more universal message here about the wisdom of desiring what is intended for us alone. No one else could have this boy’s two front teeth, so he is asking for what only he can receive.

The Christmas season lasts for twelve full days. This is the time of the Gift, of bestowing and of receiving. And the gift that human souls truly want is not to be found in a department store or purchased with any amount of money. It is something uniquely intended for us alone, something only we can receive.

What is this Gift? Perhaps it could be described thus:


To know as an unshakable reality that we are in God’s keeping and that nothing in our lives is accidental or arbitrary. To realize we can stop trying to protect ourselves or make things “better” because only that which is for our ultimate good will be allowed to happen.

Such a stupendous gift is experienced by us as “trust.” Trust that all is well, even a “well of water springing up into everlasting life” (John 14:4).

We have the choice and the responsibility to trust that the gift has in fact been given, especially in those moments where fear arises and threatens to consume everything and cast us into the shadows again.

So to the Great Giver let us offer our deepest appreciation and thanks for the most perfect Gift of all.

Christ and Antichrist

Christ and Antichrist

In this season in which the birth of Christ is celebrated, we might recall another archetypal player in the divine mystery, namely the Antichrist.

The Mayan Calendar ending in 2012 has differentiated two distinct camps of expectation: those who anticipate the beginning of a new Golden Age of bliss, and those who anticipate extreme planetary distress and destruction.

Against these another camp is finding its voice and articulating the idea that 2012 will initiate the Age of Satan. In this period, according to their model, Antichrist will be Satan’s henchman, commissioned to assume total earthly power and subjugate virtually all humanity. This viewpoint also embraces planetary upheaval as a necessary element of Antichrist’s reign.



It must be admitted that many religious traditions describe a satanic, destructive entity capable of ensnaring the unwary and initiating global catastrophe. The Christian Scriptures in particular are quite detailed in this regard and speak both of Antichrist, and of unprecedented natural calamities befalling an unbelieving mankind.




The same Scriptures also make it clear that all this unpleasantness is temporary. Christ Himself is supposed to return -- both to restore order and to justify those who have been faithful to truth in spite of tribulation.

This third “Antichristian” camp may have something valuable to contribute to the 2012 contemplation. J.R.R. Tolkien’s Ring Trilogy derives its plot energy from a culminating battle between light and darkness at the conclusion of a mythical “Third Age” of the earth. Now, according to the Mayan Calendar, we are at the endpoint of the Fourth Age. The Bible speaks unequivocally of a final battle to occur between Christ and Antichrist at Armageddon - in which evil is to be defeated once and for all.

There are those professing exact knowledge of the future satanic world ruler who have no qualms about identifying him. This is more information than the Bible offers, where only the inscrutable and mysterious “666” points to Antichrist. Many names have been associated with 666 throughout history, and though those thus associated may have been antichristian, they were evidently not Antichrist.

The tale of Antichrist’s antecedents, according to such supposed insiders, is a conspiracy of astonishing detail. It spans centuries of dark plotting and generations of careful planning. One begins to feel clammy just reading the complex intrigues.



If these suppositions are true, one might ask why generations and centuries of conspiratorial effort should be directed at putting ultimate evil into power for just a limited time. For the Bible offers many assurances that Antichrist will have a “short” reign of only seven years, and thereafter be defeated.


The most meaningful explanation is that world domination is only a means to an end. The ultimate goal is the subjugation of human souls, which would remain thereafter in Satan’s power and control. Frankly, this is a threat that should be taken seriously.

One might claim: “I believe in Jesus Christ (or Allah, or Buddha or whatever), therefore I will be impervious to Antichrist’s influence if and when he appears.” Unfortunately, conceptual belief is no defense against evil – either in the committing or receiving of it. Human history has demonstrated this fact beyond all doubt. Whatsoever the mind conjectures it can quickly un-conjecture, especially when experiencing pain or any stimulus above its comfort level.

In addition, there are varying concepts about what is morally “right” or eternally “true.” This in itself undermines the argument that belief provides either a refuge from demonic deception or a valid claim for preferential treatment from God.

Conceptual belief is a mental activity – it consists of thought forms residing in the mind. And “mind” is characterized mystically as being of the AIR element.

There is a popular notion that Satan resides underground, but the Bible plainly indicates that air is his actual realm: “In time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now works in the children of disobedience” (Eph 2:2).

For further substantiation of this, consider that the conclusive battle between Christ and Antichrist is to occur in AIR - the field of mentality: “And he gathered them together into a place called in the Hebrew tongue Armageddon. And the seventh angel poured out his vial into the air; and there came a great voice out of the temple of heaven, from the throne, saying, It is done” (Rev. 16:16-17).

This airy realm is called a “heaven” and Satan’s power therein will be diminished or obliterated after Christ’s victory: “And the stars of heaven shall fall, and the powers that are in heaven shall be shaken” (Mark 13:25). After this Satan will be cast out: “And he said unto them, I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven” (Luke 10:18).



However, before the satanic defeat there is prophesied to be a worldwide falling away from truth. "Let no man deceive you by any means: for that day shall not come, except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition" (2 Th 2:3). The victims of the "Son of Perdition" will be anyone whose identity or sense of self comes from the air of their own mind – in other words practically everyone.

Protection cannot come from any conceptual thought or belief, for this occurs in the mental realm. The only possible escape will be through wholesale reformation of the consciousness in which one dies to the personal “self” that is vulnerable to fearful threats and coercion. St. Paul says to “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus” (Php 2:5). This mind that “was also in Christ Jesus” cannot simply be a modification of one’s former mentality or addition to the existing belief structure, but something radically different.

St. Gregory Palamas calls it a transformation into being authentically human - by becoming consciously divine. It is an awareness that is knowingly unified with God, a partaker of the supernatural life here and now on this earth. To a person with this awareness, Antichrist is irrelevant.

Old Tears

Old Tears

Part of waking up is remembering where we lost things long ago – and finding them again.

My daily routine starts with sitting in my favorite place - an old fashioned, squeaky rocking chair. It had belonged to my beloved grandmother. She died sitting there comfortably - one leg dangling over the rocker arm and a cup of coffee nearby.


So I sit in this chair with a book on my lap and breathe deeply. It doesn’t take long before something begins to happen.

This morning there is a strange achy feeling in the arms and I suddenly hear my father yelling, “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!”

Oh my God, a long lost memory surfacing from the recesses of my poor body - that has striven to shield me all these years! I could even hear the tone and timbre of my father’s voice all over again, the angry arrogance of his impatient demand on that little boy.


I re-experienced the cringing as tears were stuffed down inside, the fear and uncertainty produced by finding oneself in an alien universe where natural feelings weren’t permitted.

And a wave of grateful sympathy washed over me for the humble flesh and bones which have obediently received the anguish of my life on this earth and hidden it from awareness . . . until now.


I don’t blame my father – he was obviously in pain as well. The same cruel words had no doubt been spoken to him. There is nothing like a child’s unhappiness for triggering that which is still hurting within us.

And so, these many years later, tears flowed freely that ought to have flowed then. And the body sighed with relief and release.


But all this made me wonder – did Jesus cry as a child? In all the vast religious art concerned with Christ’s nativity, is there even one depiction of the baby weeping?

If not, it may be a reflection of the illogical and insensitive presumption that, being divine, Jesus had no need for anything and therefore should never cry.




Personally I would like to believe this thesis false, and that the infant would have behaved very much like you or I in that regard - though certainly not because of parental neglect or meanness.

After all, the most poignant, and shortest, verse in the Bible is this: “Jesus wept” (John 11:35).