The Experiential Universe

The Experiential Universe

In the old days I thought it was grand to string ideas together on words, based on the conceptual world view that was my current fave and rave.

I even thought it meant I knew what I was talking about.

Now I am pretty sure that not much of anything I say is true.

And there’s a kind of relief in that. Less attachment to image, for one thing.

So mostly what goes on here is the attempt to describe personal experiences as they unfold.

For instance, it might be possible to speak of “loss” theoretically, but I don’t know a damn thing about loss theoretically.

What I know is how loss feels as it burns through nerves and synapses, leaving a path of fiery agony in its wake.

In these days I am being treated to a mix of cool and exciting sensations that I never expected to have.

Along with loss there is overwhelming jealousy, irrational anger, icy cold fear, mind-boggling confusion, and quite a few others for which names have apparently never been assigned.

Those "preverbal" ones have their own unique effect – you don’t know what you are feeling, except that it seems indescribably awful in its intensity.

This situation is actually slightly humorous in its own way - like some kind of silent dialog or banter with the Universe.

“Well, you said you wanted to become enlightened,” says the Universe. “More aware.”

“Right,” you agree. “But those things are supposed to feel good!”

The Universe laughs.

“Become aware of what’s going on inside you,” it says. “Feel it.”

"But that doesn't feel GOOD!" you protest.

“How do you know?" the Universe asks.

You pause and reflect.

Right.