What Shouldn't Be

What Shouldn't Be

A friend introduced me to the writings of Byron Katie recently. At first "The Work," as Katie calls it, seemed too mental in its orientation for my tastes. But then I read "A Thousand Names for Joy" and began to understand what suffering she has gone through. When she describes discovering her "religion" had been that her children should pick up their socks, I could really relate to this.

So I have adapted her approach to my own life in a certain way. When situations are hard or when circumstances threaten (or succeed) in plummeting me into despair and self-destruction, I ask a question.

First:

How do I know this [difficult thing] should not be happening? How do I know for absolute sure that it SHOULD NOT be happening?

Answer: I don't.

Usually the mind takes trips around the idea that if I had not done "X" or I HAD done "Y" things would be different. But how do I know for absolute sure that I should not have done "X" or should have done "Y"? After all, the choices I did make were based on what I felt was the best thing at the time.

Second:

How do I feel when I think this thing should not be happening?

Answer: Very bad. Guilty. Victimized. Wrong.

Third:

How would I feel if I did NOT think this thing should not be happening?

Answer: Accepting. At peace. Grateful to God and the Universe.

Fourth: turn it around.

Assume that this thing, whatever it is, SHOULD be happening.

Response: I feel aided to face life's challenges with more patience and trust. I sense that God/Love is present, and even though this doesn't mean the situation is suddenly easy, effortless or solved, it does change how I feel about it.