Expectations
Without noticing, I had acquired expectations. If those expectations were met I became a happy victor; if they were not I became an angry victim.
Reaction was going on without my awareness. Hmm . . . isn’t this the definition of being unconscious?
But then a miracle occurred: a “bad” day, in which lots of triggers got pulled. They were all aimed at my vulnerabilities, and discharged venomous loads directly into my nervous system.
It was a massacre. The body got riddled with holes and the head popped off like one of those cartoon characters that eats exploding dynamite and lives to talk about it.
Afterwards, I was sweeping up the fragments of self strewn all over the place - and wondering how such a thing could happen to someone striving to be integrated and authentic.
On some level it was probably a lesson about the danger or foolishness of expectation. After all, Jesus says, “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself” (Mat. 6:34).
Be here now, give everything to this moment; don’t lean on others for completion. That feels like the message.
So, another day in earth school and the student is still trying to get it.
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ReplyDelete"wondering how such a thing could happen to someone striving to be integrated and authentic", I so can relate to this! Just when I think I've cleared an emotional signature; bam a "bad" day hits. Dealing with the expection of being above this is more painful to deal with than the still lingering signature.
ReplyDeleteEvery day, I really look forward to reading your blog. I can relate to so much of it...
Thanks for sharing - I have been feeling much the same recently and experienced a 'bad' one a few days ago ... just another wake up call ...
ReplyDeleteso honorably honest... how rare!
ReplyDelete