Climbing into Communication

Climbing Into Communication

I envy people who interact easily with others, who can express themselves casually and fluently, being comfortable in dialogue.

For me silence is often the preferred state, and my presence, or perceived absence thereof, can make others uncomfortable.

But I am not resting on this character state as the unchangeable “ME” that must not be altered. Though it is definitely a warp in the fabric, I am willing to suffer modification. In fact I yearn for this.

So (for instance) I keep coming back to this blog even when I would rather abandon it altogether. To make another effort to wrest something out of the inner unknown and to give back to life my little reflection of the glory of this moment.

To find another hand-hold, if only a millimeter higher, in the seemingly endless and agonizing climb from ego to reality.

There are lots of pauses for tears along that climb, and slippery palms that lose their grip.

It seems a very lonely path, but I don’t want to make that worse by being a bad friend. Too many people have loved me and made their own sacrifices.

So the silence needs to be broken, again and again.

And the search for gentle and kind words to give away proceeds

even when the demon points out the fool that I am.