Starving Addictions
I’ve never been to an AA meeting, probably never WILL be to one. My addictions are fairly low-profile. But they have teeth, just the same.
There’s salt, something I adore on nearly everything. And there's that glass of wine in the evening (which can turn in to two or three without anything like a cautionary inebriation occurring).
But there's many other things as well, whose subtlety makes them nearly invisible. All these coalesce into my “comfort zone.”
The big ticket items in my comfort zone have to do with relationships and the emotional energy surrounding relationships. If anything in this arena negatively red-lines or pegs the needle then it is by default “a bad day,” with no second opinion required.
Yes I understand that, cosmically speaking, we are all interconnected. In the mind of God (I’m told) we are all ONE, even.
Nevertheless, it seems my emotional membranes should function for the integrity and protection of this human organism called by the name of me. They should pass items of energetic interest in and out only according to what will most benefit and promote healthy growth.
That this hasn’t been the case most of my life is stunningly evident. I have a lopsided emotional condition, apparently much deformed and misshapen. The result of this state has been a floundering path through the world map something like a bird trying to fly with one wing.
My heart must look like one of those archery targets that’s been left on the field for a couple seasons – torn and limp, pocked full of holes, decaying straw hanging out.
So what to do? Starve some addictions. Maybe that logic isn’t clear to others but it works for me.
In other words, become more at ease with feeling very much ill at ease. Stray out of the comfort zone and breathe some fresh new air.
Less salt, less wine, less drama of every kine.
And that will have to do for now.
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ReplyDeleteFor me backing off addictive being, is like allowing time to digest what is happening, the intricacies of that. Like I imagine becoming 'intimate' with my addiction (s)or dysfunctions, just for exploration sake. I think its cool. I was imagining the other day an Alcoholic getting a 12 pack of beer and sitting in his recliner , remote by his side and looking at those 12 beers one at a time, unopened. He might look a beer #1 and say I am going to be friendly to everyone. , Beer#5 I'll insult my wife with some clever sarcasm, beer#8 I will belittle my son...I'll feel guilty and be instinctively drawn to my friend Jack Daniels...
ReplyDeleteI'll notice everyone is gone, the house silent,
and he looks at the beer can #'s 9 and 10 and knows he will become violent before he passes out. He sees all this before opening even I beer
That is some intimate knowledge. I think I'd like to have intimate knowledge of my addictive tendencies. And I think you are right Nesia, the only way is to give it a rest and watch the answers come riding on the back of feelings. This moving through intimacy , for me , may take a while. Who knows that could become addictive 'moving into and through intimacy'. At least I'll be hopefully Awake in the process. Thanks for sharing that real "human" stuff. I'm IN!
Hmmmmmm, very interesting. My primary addictions or, the ones I am most aware of, have been with smoking and food. As of late, I have been so hungry all the time and asking about it. I have been laying low and truly nurturing myself which is eye opening a can of worms. Even though I am becoming more grounded, I am deeply tired and oh so hungry. I realized today how sore my body is all over and layed for hours just asking it to speak to me and feeling it. Heavy stuff, sometimes works it's way up and out through dreams, we hold so much, in so many ways...funny, just before I read this, was out on the porch asking if a long cleansing fast would be coming as a response or rather a reaction to? I have always enjoyed the clarity and higher vibe and feeling 'IN' myself through a long fast... kinda like what Ruth shared a ways back, her insights into 'silence' from experience, at the Trappist Monastery... anyway, little by little with awareness and intent and just being with, we are becoming truly free at last. Thank God almighty! Appreciate you all! Thank you CD, your a great Archer!
ReplyDeleteI'm starting TPP for the second time, and Michael Brown talks about addictions and afflictions being one and the same thing. Addictions are those things you are compelled to have and afflictions are those things you are compelled to run away from.
ReplyDeleteSo if you are an alcoholic, you are compelled to drink, because it makes you feel good, happy and confident. Likewise, you are compelled to run away from all the bad feelings - anxiety, depression etc. - that you experience when you are not drinking.
In Vipassana Meditation they talk about craving and aversion, which is pretty much the same thing.
You are always running to one thing (a good feeling, a happy state), and running away from another thing (a bad feeling, an unhappy state).
This is the polarity of the existence we live in. Flung between one extreme and another. And, usually, far preferring one of these extremes. And being stuck, for the most part, with the much less favourable extreme.
TPP is about neutralising the polarities, and bringing balance to ones experience. Through which the grip that both addictions and afflictions have on you are significantly reduced.
Nicely put Phil!
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