The Bridge
His home was a bridge. Not the kind of bridge that links land on both sides so predictably that a person might not even notice the crossing. But the kind that can suddenly disconnect - part of it going high into the air and isolating one shore from another.
That part – suspended away from everything . . . is where he lived.
How did he wind up in such a precarious place? People liked to say, generally with derision in their voices, it was from choices he had made. They had counseled him to choose otherwise and when he didn’t, they were hurt or angry.
They were partly right – he had taken every feeble and faltering step voluntarily. But at the same time he didn’t know for sure how it had happened.
He would lie awake at night on the hard steel wondering why he was there. The water lapping below would remind him that he had no home, and he would weep.
But sometimes when the moon was full with pregnant beauty, an impression of unseen grace drifted down. He perceived his isolation to be a strange blessing, for the rift in comfortable connections exposed the ancient pain lurking in his heart.
He had always sought the solace of others as distraction from the subtle agony within his own breast. On the bridge he had nothing to turn to but himself. However hard a task, this must be done.
But what of the near shore and the far shore? Yes, someday the bridge might allow passage again. Yet he had begun to understand that peace must first be made with uncertainty and loneliness, and belonging nowhere, and to no one.
I think I'm getting, from my own experiences (and from doing stuff like The Presence Process), that the bridge is actually to my own heart. And to all those parts of me that I have shut myself off to.
ReplyDeleteOr, rather, that part of myself that we can call the ego. It really is incredibly domineering and wants to control everything. And it wants every other part of me to shut up - or to do what it says they should do.
Fortunately, there is another part of me that, while not as brutish and domineering as the ego, is way more powerful. That is my Inner Presence. Through my Inner Presence I am, finally, getting access to those parts of me that have been shut down for perhaps many lifetimes.
For the first time that I can remember I cried today. Because I finally got what shutting out all those parts of me has cost me. But now that my Inner Presence (and other wise aspects of me) are providing a bridge to all these long-forgotten aspects of myself, I am becoming a lot more integrated and whole.
I really appreciate your writings today Nesia I feel I too have been suspended on that same bridge away from everyone and everything as you have so poignantly expressed. I am moved by your sharing as well Phil. I too feel as though the scattered pieces of my psyche are slowly coming back together through anchoring my awareness in my body ... which we know can be so frightening... and then too, when the painful feelings come up and we want to resist and run back into the mental plane. Yet, we are shown over and over, that when we choose to turn around and cross back over that bridge to enter more fully into our heart, the more we reunite with our inner presence, and little by little, that once rough choppy sea of psyche becomes calmer and clearer...I envision it being transformed into the 'crystal sea' as we voyage further inward. And yeah, I percieve as well, that our psyche does consist of many lifetimes and many lifetimes worth of pain both individual and collective. I hope we continue to cry and cry and cry our way into the eternal now...the tears of joy make it sooo well worth it! :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for all your comments. It is helpful to not feel quite so alone in the countdown to 2012.
ReplyDeleteTears come too easy for me these days, watching a sad movie, listening to a nostaligic song, once detoxifying. But I've become aware of its subtle inner pull, inviting me with promise of a healing balm, but also an opportunity to indulge in yet one more form of habit, a shadowy path to yet another addiction.
ReplyDeleteAs I look at my own bouts of emotion I am reminded of a tale I once heard and never could quite get out of my head. It tells of a scorpion who asked a tortoise to carry it on its back to cross an ocean. The tortoise knowing the scorpion's reputation immediately became wary and said, "if I carry you, you will no doubt sting me with your tail when we are in the middle of the sea". The scorpion assured the tortoise, "why would I do such a thing? If I harm you I will only be harming myself since I cannot swim. Without you I will only drown". The tortoise believed him and agreed to carry it on its back. But as soon as they were over the deep waters, sure enough, the scorpion delivered its fatal sting. "Why have you killed me scorpion, when you know we will only both die?" cried the dying tortoise in despair. "I am so sorry dear tortoise, but I am a scorpion afterall, and to sting is in my nature. I could not help myself even knowing what would happen." replied the scorpion in a voice full of sad resignation and the two creatures perished together.
So I am left ask, who is the scorpion, and who is the tortoise? Are they really one and the same?
We are not alone, though. We have never been alone and we never will be alone. This is one of the deepest illusions that our ego has bought into.
ReplyDeleteCheck out "Being My Companion" which you can download on thepresenceportal.com in the section on "Books". You can find it about halfway down the page. It is, in my opinion, the most profound and deepest stuff that Michael has come up with, and as we know, Michael is very, very good at that, anyway. But "Being My Companion" takes it to a whole new level.
I read it having just finished The Presence Process experientially and it totally blew my mind. Essentially, he is saying that we are not alone, that we have many, many aspects to us, and that it is just a matter of tapping into all those different aspects. The trouble is that a lot of those aspects are hidden deeply within us because we have suppressed them to such a great degree - but, not to worry, because there are enough messengers out there in life to bring these hidden aspects of us to our awareness.
What I have started doing is, when I am around other people, instead of focusing on what I am thinking and feeling, to ask myself what they are thinking and feeling - and I find that this opens up a lot for me, and offers a whole new perspective and avenue when confronted with any challenges.
Love that little tale...with it's many layers...thanks for the reminder to not be decieved by the cunning aspects of ego... that little Scorpian stinger must be left behind. Sweeeet
ReplyDelete...'BOC' with it's many layers...we are on the page Phil...with all these layers peeling off we will soon be naked...Thank -God! lol
ReplyDeleteVery interesting. I wrote that the book is called "Being My Companion". It is called "Being OUR Companion".
ReplyDeleteThat shows that even when "I" (whomever or whatever that is) am writing about all the different aspects of OUR being, that "me", "myself" and "I" part stills wants all the glory and attention for itself.
That shows how powerful it is, I think, simply because it's been running the show for so long. But "I" am on to it!
Yup...I noticed that, and also...when I am writing at length 'creepy errors' appear lol...check out the 'I.C. U.' writings...sorry, I just couldn't resist...
ReplyDeleteokay,okay... I am off to my 'spinning' class
;-)